Dollar Stores are amazing — and by Dollar Store I am referring to Dollar Tree or others like it where everything costs a dollar; not any one of the discount stores where the word Dollar is simply in the name.
I frequent Dollar Tree a great deal and these are great places to get greeting cards, decorations, cheap hand tools and Millar balloons — nothing cheers someone up more than a dozen helium balloons from the dollar store.
But in my experience, I’ve discovered that there are certain things that you should never — and I mean ever — buy from the place. Here are the top ten.
10. Ear buds
How bad can they be right? They’re only a buck and if the sound isn’t that great you can just chuck them. No. First of all these things are designed for some race of ears much larger than humans have and even if you can cram them in your ear holes the sound will melt your brain. Stay away.
9. Glue sticks
A pack of four, Elmer’s glue sticks at Wal-Mart is about five bucks. A pack of four no-name glue sticks at the dollar stare are, of course, a buck. What’s not to like? Except that these are made from one of the few materials in the store that are not sticky and permanent. These don’t work so don’t waste your money.
8. Band aids
The Band-Aids at The Dollar Tree must use the same stick-technology as the glue sticks. It’s as if someone printed Google Images of band aids and put them in packs. They don’t work so skip by them.
Okay, we are getting in serious territory now because buying Dollar Tree razors will simply tear your face off. It will. These are dull and dangerous devices and even if you’re traveling and forgot your razor, it’s far better to walk into your meeting with a two day beard, then it is to do it while missing an ear. No.
I’m not even sure that Dollar Tree soda is legally soda. It’s more like Kool Aid with a very slight carbonation sound added when you open it. Horrible stuff. Buying the individual bottles of the brand name soda in the cooler up front is fine, but never get one of these three-liter horrors.
Dollar Tree sells many kind of knives; kitchen knives, utility knives even no name Swiss Army type knives. And the ones that are actually made from a metal — most are silver painted plastic blades — will never hold an edge and therefore are extremely dangerous. You will slice off a leg with one of these things trying to cut something, so don’t buy them.
Again we are getting in an area that is a danger to human life. The only thing worse than cologne from The Dollar Tree is the thought of the long term environmental impact if that same bottle managed to getting in the water supply. These things will set off smoke alarms. Stay far away.
3. Super Glue
Any super glue that is not made by Loctite, is just glue — my humble opinion, of course. And this stuff is barely that. It doesn’t work and don’t buy it.
2. Aluminum foil
Aluminum foil is expensive — especially if your barbecuing or using a smoker, when you’re going to need a lot of it. But there is not enough Dollar Tree aluminum foil in that entire store to do what you need to do. It’s thin, it breaks easily and it’s more like shiny paper than anything even close to aluminum foil. Don’t buy it.
Right before a battery dies, as its saying goodbye to its wife and children, they unplug the monitors and wheel it into The Dollar Tree. By the time you get the battery out of the store and into your car, the trip will be enough to kill it.