Category: Family and Social

10 free things to do this weekend
When the kids were little — probably around age 7 and 9 — we had this Saturday tradition. I’d get them up, get them fed and dressed, and we would head out for the day; just the three of us. No girls allowed. Now, we could do anything we wanted to on those days. Anything. But there was only one rule. We couldn’t spend any money.

Now part of the reason for this was because we were a young family and were trying to be frugal — hey, just an afternoon of bowling or movies with kids will cost fifty dollars or more — but there was actually more to it. When you pay for something — especially when you pay for entertainment — it loses charm quickly. It’s less special, less personal, since it’s easily accessible and available to anyone who will pay for it. But if you have to find the things to do, to locate and get to them; there is a reward at the end.

So those Saturdays had to be free.

And today, if you asked the kids about those times — ten years later — they will tell you, in exciting detail, of all the goofy things we did. Of the battlefields we went to, of the time we took a bus tour of a landfill — which was actually pretty fun. They’ll tell you of open air concerts, of the wars we had in the woods, the street fairs and the concerts of Irish dancers. We went to museums and zoos. We toured churches and synagogues and we caught buckets and buckets of fish.

All fun. All free.

10 FREE THINGS TO DO THIS WEEKEND

10. Movie festival.

This may seem corny, but home movie festivals are a lot of fun — and can be as large or as an intimate as you want them to be. Break out all the DVD’s in the house and pick the top ten or so and that’s your film selection for the day — an entire guilt free Saturday of doing nothing but watching movies. If you want to open it up to family and friends, a quick post on your favorite social network showing the schedule, and you’re good to go. Or you can pull down the curtains, turn the phones off and just escape for the entire day.

9. Community Calendar.

Community calendars are amazing and much of what the kids and I used to do, came from these sources of information. On any Saturday, there are always little festivals, tours, classes and concerts. Always. And these folks are so glad to see you and to tell you about what they do.

8. Community sports

Professional and college sporting events are pretty pricey and even High School level sports will cost you a few bucks. But there are always community sports that are open to the public. Softball leagues, Little League Baseball and Pop Warner Football, are a lot of fun to watch. But what’s really interesting is to find the less mainstream sports — I just found out that in our area, there are Cricket Leagues. I’ve never been but we’ll be going this year.

7. Create a potluck open house

With a few phone calls, texts or posts, you can invite the world in for the day. Ask everyone to bring a dish to pass and break out the board games, the horseshoes, the video controllers or just sit in the backyard and catch up. People can come and go, arrive and leave, all day long.
1. 6. Learn how to juggle
Okay, hear me out on this one. On Monday morning, when your co-workers ask, “So, what did you do this weekend?” You can answer, “Oh, not much”. Or you can say, “Me? Oh I learned to juggle.” With a few tennis balls, some online videos and a couple of hours of practice, you can learn the basics of juggling — in a single day. And believe it or not, you will use this for the rest of your life.

5. Frisbee golf

Most of the Frisbee golf courses I’ve ever seen are open to the public and are inside parks. A cooler full of sandwiches, a few Frisbees and some friends, and you have another cool story to tell on Monday morning.

4. Pick up game.

With the exception of basketball, you rarely see pickup games of baseball and flag football anymore because organized sports are more the norm. But with a few phone calls you can organize a pickup softball game on Saturday. Bring a cooler and sandwiches and your all set — and if it’s a park where you can bring a charcoal grill, even better.

3. Have a yard sale.

I said you couldn’t spend any money, I didn’t say you couldn’t make any. Yard sales are actually pretty fun to host and can be quite lucrative; depending on the goods you have to sell. And it also allows you to clean out your attic or garage.

2. Habitat for Humanity

There are many organizations that don’t want your money as much as they need your time. Habitat for Humanity is a great example. On any given Saturday they have ongoing projects where they could use your help and the great thing is they don’t care if you’re a carpenter or don’t know which end of the hammer to hold. There’s something for everyone to do — and it’s a great way to learn basic construction skills.

1. A trip to nowhere

Probably the most fun I’ve had with my kids is when we would get in the car and head out with absolutely no destination or plan. Because when you do this, you’re not just focused on the destination — because you don’t have one — you’re enjoying the entire trip.
February 15, 2015
The core

I just reviewed some standard sourcing material that Guidance Counselors use for career assessment — you know, the stuff that helps students determine what majors to take in college and then what career path to pursue. There was a lot of information to go through, so I first took a few aptitude tests and then familiarized myself with learning platforms. Then I ran through personality assessments, aptitude enhancing exercises and tracking material to map my career path through online grids. I did all of that.

And? What did all of this determine that I should be doing for a living?

Well, it looks like I should be in —- Alternate Dispute Resolution.

Yup. That’s the career for me.

Now, I’m not really sure what Alternate Dispute Resolution is, but it doesn’t really matter because I love the field that I’m in and I love the job that I have — which has absolutely nothing to do with Alternate Dispute Resolution.

So what does this mean? Does it mean that the tests aren’t accurate? Does it mean that real life will lead you to where you should go?

Well sort of. But first, let me distract you with some statistics.

Recently, Monster.com did a survey which interviewed over 8,000 people in seven different countries and asked them detailed questions about their education and their careers. This is what they found.

15% of the US workers interviewed said that that they hated their jobs — this was the highest rate among the seven countries surveyed.

Who had the lowest rate of people who hated their jobs? India, with only 5%.

The highest pay per capita of all the countries surveyed? — yup, U.S. But — now this is interesting — the US had both the lowest allotted vacation time given to employees as well as the lowest vacation time actually taken. 60% of all US workers roll unused vacation time over each year, where in the Netherlands it’s only 7% and— now this is also interesting — only 8% of the employees in the Netherlands stated that they hated their jobs.

Hmmm.

Okay, question two. What percentage of college graduates end up working in their career fields?

Answer: Roughly half. About 50% of those people with college degrees end up working in their field — and 35% of those people said that they have never worked in that field. Ever.

Okay, one more. 38% of the people polled said that the need for professionals in their chosen field drastically changed by the time they graduated. So, they entered school to be a teacher because the market was good, and four years later there is an overabundance of teachers and they couldn’t find a job in their field.

Okay, so what does all of this mean? Well, one thing it means is that we have a culture that works hard, is afraid to unplug and who never really ends up in the field that they spend thousands of dollars being educated in — and then spending the next twenty years paying off. It means that following the money never works. It also means that the long term career plans — don’t really work.

So —. That’s it.

What? What do you mean —-? That’s it?

Yeah. That’s the whole point. That as simplistic as it sounds, the answer to this — and most large questions in life — is that plans are important but with the bigger aspects of life, plans are simply a direction to start moving in. There are too many variables that will determine the end result. They don’t really matter.

Only this does.

The core.

If your heart is strong. If you give more than you take. If you put the needs of those around you in front of your own and if you respect the person who looks back in the mirror — then you will go where you need to be. You will head where you need to head. You will land where the world needs you to be. Every time.

But if your core is out of balance; is self focused, bitter, jealous or simply driven by the prize itself. Then where you end up is just a location.

Always.

You can do all the math, take all the tests and use all the tools and it wont matter. If you contribute, if you think, if you create, if you love and if you believe. Then you’ll get where God wants you to be.

Work on the core and pick a direction. The rest will take care of itself.

February 12, 2015
To Whom it May Concern

My name is Leo Blathe and I would like this letter to act as a personal recommendation for Brandon Delucca for the position of Senior Vice President at Cheltech Industries.

I have had the pleasure of knowing Brandon for over three years now and during that time I have found him to be a creative and goal oriented individual to which any company would by impacted by hiring.

I first came to know Brandon when he was a young college student and went door to door looking for odd jobs in our neighborhood. And yes, I have to admit that I was very impressed by his tenacity but I didn’t feel that we needed any help at that time. It was actually my wife, Jocelyn, who immediately saw the potential in this young man and he soon began doing odd jobs for us; helping around the house, mowing the lawn as well as running errands. Later on, as my position changed and I needed to spend more time on the road, Brandon became invaluable to us by not only taking on more responsibility at the house but was even thoughtful enough to stay overnight while I was away. Jocelyn often commented on how comforting it was to have Brandon there while I was gone and I felt better knowing that he was.

As time moved on, Brandon became a bigger and bigger part of our family. But it was about a year later that I got to know Brandon extremely well during the many court appearances that I would see him at during our somewhat complicated divorce trial. At that time, Brandon was not only dependable enough to make sure that Jocelyn made it to each and every court appearance — she didn’t miss even one — but he was also thoughtful enough to drive her in my 1967 Camaro that I had restored so that I could see it. And I have to admit, seeing that car made the long walk back to the hotel all that more pleasant.

As a side note, Brandon is a very talented singer; he plays the guitar and has some extremely impressive dramatic talents. And — oh my gosh — this boy is funny. If you could have seen him during the trial; convincing the judge and court officials that I ran a large methamphetamine lab in our garage —holy cow, I thought I was in a comedy club. In fact, this act was so impressive that the court folks didn’t know that Brandon was joking! Isn’t that amazing? And it was this very enactment that was responsible for me being able to now see my children any time I want to — as long as that is no more than twice a month and providing that a Child Protective Service’s agent is available.

Brandon is an intelligent, capable and dedicated young man. He is quick on his feet and adept at handling any situation. One example of this was when my security clearance at work was being questioned due to the media coverage of our divorce. It was Brandon who played another one of his practical jokes and convinced the National Security Agency that besides being an obvious flight risk, that I had also bragged to him about my years of embezzling and should probably remain under house arrest until this could be fully investigated. And let me tell you, besides it being a pretty funny joke, I sure did appreciate all that down time right about then. I mean, after all the stress of the divorce, my arrest, the heart attack and Brandon’s accident when the Camaro was totaled — don’t worry, he’s fine — it was sure nice to sit in that hotel room and decompress for hours on end. And what a treat; the calming sounds of the freight trains, wow. But it was one nostalgic trip down memory lane getting to watch all three television channels on the hotel rooms black and white television, with vintage rabbit-ears antenna — just like I did as a kid. Ahh, good times. Good times.

So please feel free to contact me with any questions regarding the employment of Brandon Delucca for my old position at Cheltech Technologies. Although I no longer have a cell phone and am not allowed near a computer until I can explain how all those photographs got on my laptop, you can always contact me through my court appointed attorney; Martin Pincolwski. And please do. I don’t receive much mail any more and I would very much enjoy corresponding with anyone about Brandon. Or if you’d like, we could discuss sports. Or current events. Or anything you’d like. Anything at all.

Please write me.

Sincerely,

Leo Blathe

January 27, 2015
Depression in men
A radical statistical shift is when a significant number of people within a group suddenly change in action — it’s the unexpected, quick right turn of statistics. It’s when, without communicating and completely independent of the group, individuals act in a common but unpredicted manner that isn’t orchestrated or even acknowledged and the group shifts. So, instead of deciding between a Ford or Chevy, for example, millions sell their cars and start riding bicycles; or a neighborhood that is prime and expanding, suddenly sees a mass exodus of people selling and moving to live off the grid. It’s the place on the graph when the spike moves sideways.

It’s the didn’t see that coming, moment.

One of these radical statistic shifts have occurred with men over the last ten years that wasn’t expected and is more than a little shocking.

For the first time in American history, the largest group of people most likely to commit suicide are — middle aged men.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, middle-aged men — those between the ages of 45 to 64 — have the highest rate of suicide; a rate that has been rising since 1999.

Which means that for the first time ever, the once vulnerable teenager — insecure, sullen, angry and fearful — is half as likely to kill themselves as their own fathers are.

Why is this?

Well, one major driver seems to be that men emotionally suffer alone — especially when it comes to sensitive areas such as stress, relationships and financial issues; common categories involved in suicide among men. Men ignore it and suck it up. We plow through crisis rather than dealing with the causes. We fight instead of discuss and — and here is the big one — we don’t know how to, or even want to, cope with the possibility that we may be — depressed. We see depression as something that’s for the weak and an area to simply ignore and work through. Men can view depression as being ungrateful — as a slap in the face to our family, friends and work — since what do we have to be depressed about? As well as see it as a state that only occurs to frail people, ungrateful people. Not to us.

Now, does being depressed mean that we are likely to commit suicide?

Absolutely not. It’s the smallest percentage of depressed men that go on to commit suicide. The very smallest. But — here’s the important part — all men that commit suicide are depressed.

So what does that mean?

Well, it means that as tough as it sounds, we men need to acknowledge and face the fact that we are very likely to get depressed, return to it and possibly may be depressed right now.

SINGS OF DEPRESSION IN MEN
- Unexpected anger and anxiety
- Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities — work, family, friend
- Change in libido.
- Not being able to sleep or wanting to sleep all the time.
- Feeling very tired
- Difficulty in concentrating or remember details
- Overeating, or not wanting to eat at all
- Escapist or risky behavior; driving recklessly, compulsive gambling, abuse of drugs or alcohol, or an emersion in pornography.
- Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems
Yup. So according to the math, there is a 73% chance that you have been, will be or currently are, depressed. And the first step — that absolute silver bullet — is to acknowledge it. To recognize it.

Being depressed as a man does not make you weak. It doesn’t make you vulnerable. It doesn’t mean you’re broken and it doesn’t even mean that it’s a permanent state.

It makes you human.

And being human males, there are certain ways — methods that are effective for us — to work through the depression.

Here are a few.
1. Exercise. Exercise is the absolutely best self-treatment for depression. Physical activity releases endorphins in the brain and elevates mood — even a 20 minute walk each day can have amazing results in how clear you think and how you deal with stress.
2. Unplug. In our stressful lives, it’s important to build in time to turn off the cell phone and computer and give yourself permission to leave the cyber web for a while. Go for a walk, a bike ride or go read a book — without being able to be contacted by text, email or voice. Step out and go black for a while. Or a weekend. Disconnect.
3. Identify sources of stress. This is a big one in men because we see this as a weakness but by classifying what we see as stressful, we can create ways to act differently. To build in methods to counter it. If we know the Tuesday meeting is stressful, we can schedule our workout right before it, or if that confrontation with the neighbor is going to get heated we can go watch a comedy before and just laugh for an hour.
4. Accept help when it’s offered. Whether it’s having someone else read through your presentation or getting a neighbor to help you stack wood, asking for help is difficult for men. But it does not mean your weak and it does not mean you’ve failed if you need help to accomplish something. It shows wisdom in asking for and accepting help.
5. Say no. This is huge with men. Not only do we want to do everything, we want to do it all well and we want there to be no limit. But we also need to find what works for us. Over committing is the fastest way to tap into your energy reserves and sabotage other areas of your life. It’s not weak, uncaring or wrong — to say, no. It’s healthy and wise.
6. Talk. Find someone — a member of your family, a friend, co-worker, professional, it doesn’t matter — and begin to unload. Talk about what’s going on; what’s your feeling and frustrated with. It’s very common that when you begin to actually put into words how you feel, the bubble weakens. But here is the trick. For many of us that finally unload on thoughts and feelings that we’ve kept bottled up we often feel angry afterwards. Agree that when we talk we are not going to regret the talking.
January 10, 2015
Couch surfing
The process of personal travel — whether it’s a European tour or a weekend getaway — is all pretty much the same. The location doesn’t matter. The time of year doesn’t matter and neither does the budget — you could have a thousand dollars a day to blow or you could need to stretch a few bucks for the entire week.

Whether New York or Paris; whether it’s a cruise to the Bahamas or a camping trip in the Adirondacks; the process, the plan, the results, will always follow a specific path. The core will remain constant which means the results will be similar.

Here is an example.

Let’s say you’re taking a trip to a place that you’ve never been. You arrange transportation. You pay for a place to stay — a hotel room, a houseboat, campsite, it doesn’t matter. You research things to do and see while we you are there. You arrive and you head out to do and see as many of those things as possible in the allotted time you have.

Now, when the trip is over, this is what will have occurred.
1. The place you stayed during this trip will most likely be your biggest expense, transportation often being a close second, which means that you are paying someone to allow you to sleep
2. Since you’ve never been to this location before, you are relying on guides, websites and reviews to guide you to locations and activities that are in the business to get you to their service or their location.
So this means that, in theory, three different groups can go to, let’s say New York City, at different times of the year, from different locations and stay and different places. And they could all come home with the similar photographs in front of the same areas of the city and — and here’s the big part — probably not have any experience that involves other human beings besides the ones that they went on the trip with,— or developed new relationships with anyone other than those they traveled with — in spite of the fact that they are in a city of nine million people.

Oh sure, they’ll have a great story about the waiter and that couple they spoke to on the bus, but pretty much all their photographs, all the video, all the Facebook posts will be of the group they went with; seeing the places someone else wanted them to pay along with the standard tourist attractions.

Okay, so here is option two.

You decide to go to a place that you’ve never been to. You make contact with a person, family or couple that have the same values as you, the same interests, who live in the place you want to visit and who love having house guests. You visit their home — as their guest, at no charge — and they show you the area from the perspective of someone who lives there. Sure they take you to the touristy areas but also to the local haunts that you would never find on your own. They introduce you to their family, to friends, to coworkers and you have a trip that not only involves a new place but a new group of people that you didn’t start out with. Which means this set of photographs, these pieces of video and these Facebook posts will be completely different than the first group.

Oh yeah I forgot — and since you’ve taken lodging out of the budget this trip could cost half of a traditional one.

And then let’s flip that. What if you found a person, family, couple who had the same values as you who wanted to visit your area from a different country, different city, or different coast. Think about how unlike the average week it would be at your home if you had someone from France, Belgium, Africa, the Netherlands or even just another part of the country, staying in your guest room or crashing on your couch? And what’s interesting about that is that most people have only a few weeks of vacation but by having people stay with you, you in effect have a vacation with each batch of visitors.

And yeah, I know, it’s not for everybody. And yes, you’re right, there is some safety and background steps that are built into the process and absolutely you need to take precautions, but this option, this manner of travel — changes everything.

This is called Couch Surfing — or hospitality exchange or it has many names with many different databases to choose from. And it makes travel an adventure — and a low cost one — rather than a destination. (Oh, and even though it’s called hospitality exchange there is no requirement to host in order to be hosted or visa versa. You can just travel or you can just host or a mix).

Which brings us to Kenny Flannery. Kenny is a young man who in 2007 decided to walk away from his New York City office job and see the world and for seven years he has been hitchhiking, bumming rides and sleeping on strangers couches all over the country and parts of the world. Now Kenny is the extreme example of this but it does illustrate that the guy without a job probably has been to most of many of the places on your bucket list.

Why?

Because money has nothing to do with travel. Absolutely nothing. And by tapping into this worldwide collection of people who just want to meet you — it changes everything.

Couch surfing website —- http://about.couchsurfing.com/about/

Kenny Flannery’s site — http://www.hobolifestyle.com
January 7, 2015
The heart of cool

There is a supermarket near us where Debbie often sends me to get last minute items — it’s a short drive from our house and is ideal when we need one green pepper or a dozen eggs. Things like that. And yes, it’s convenient. And yeah, it’s reasonably priced. But more importantly it’s where a kid named Ethan works.

Now, I’m using the word kid here because I have no idea of Ethan’s real age. He’s young — but every year a larger slice of the population look young to me — and he does have those weird double earrings that appear as if dime sized holes were drilled through his earlobes — but they’re not — and if I had to guess I’d say he was somewhere between 17 and the ripe old age of 20. Around there. Which by using the age barometer that we middle aged men carry; this puts him well within the kid range.

The grocery store in question is convenient and well stocked and the first time I met Ethan there he was loading yogurts in a dairy case. I walked right by him, to the next glass door. I had already looked in there but you never know, maybe I missed what I wanted so I looked again. Nope. And when I didn’t find it for the second time, I closed the door, turned and saw Ethan’s half smile.

“I look lost, huh?”

“Maybe,” Ethan smirked.

“I’m looking for the Bob Evans, Macaroni and Cheese. You know the ones that –.”

It was then that Ethan’s smirk became a wider smile. “I gotcha,” he nodded. As if in the history of franchise food shopping, Bob Evans Macaroni and Cheese was the greatest thing that anyone could be looking for. Ever. And only those like me — the rare, the connected, the exceptional — would even think to ask for it.

Ethan abandoned his pallet of yogurts and walked me over three aisles. He then opened a refrigerator case to reveal two shelves of Bob Evans food products. There. Just waiting for me.

I thanked Ethan and he smiled and went back to his yogurt.

After that, anytime I couldn’t find something I would seek Ethan out — I could have found it myself. Eventually. But even if I did, I would have missed out on that cool experience.

Because that’s what Ethan is. He is one of those rare individuals who are naturally cool. Not cocky. Not arrogant. Not proud, smug or conceited. But cool — because there is a big difference.

And cool is so much better than all of those other things. Cool is even better than just being confident and self-assured.

Because cool is — . Well, it’s cool.

Cool is the ability to be positive, but so much so that people feel confident around you. Cool is inviting. Cool is happy and content — it’s the attitude that no matter where you are, that’s the place to be.

Cool doesn’t hide anything but it celebrates everything. It can’t be bought, it can’t be faked and it can’t be forced. Because it’s not a destination it’s a side effect.

Which means, that is we try to get to cool — we never will. Ever. And by trying we’ll get lost or think we’re there — which is so much worse than not being cool at all.

Cool has nothing to do with what you wear, what you drive, how much money you make, who you know, or where you’ve been. Cool doesn’t care about any of that.

And cool isn’t perfect or flawless; cool makes mistakes and has errors and even regrets. But cool doesn’t hide those mistakes but celebrates them.

If you think your cool, you’re not. If you don’t care if you’re cool, you might be — but most likely you’re still not.

But whether or not we have the ability to be cool, we all have the ability to do things that are cool — which is almost as good.

Because every time we make someone feel important, powerful or essential — that’s cool.

Every time we ignore what is normal, standard or average and embrace what simply feels right — that’s cool.

Every time we turn the attention from us to someone else in a public way — that’s cool.

Every time we enjoy something from the background, every act that is kind, every chance we have to step forward even though we’re scared to death, for every aspect of beauty that we notice that we’ve never seen before …

That’s very, very cool.

December 30, 2014
REVIEW: Trivia Crack

First of all, I have no knowledge of what is cool and what is trendy. It’s important to establish that. In fact, I’m not really sure what a current craze would even look like if I stumbled across it. I don’t have my finger on the pulse of the viral or progressive and I am not aware of what is cutting edge. Actually, the only way I would even have any involvement on trend spotting is that when something is pretty much played out, when it’s already becoming un-cool, that exactly when I’ll first hear about it — Marketing experts call this The Everett Point and they track it on progression and sales curves. It’s also a good way to know when to dump stock.

But one of the advantages of living with teenaged sons is that if you pay attention, if you look around, you can actually have a front row seat to the relatively new — if only by osmosis but that still counts. And this is one of those times.

So here it is.

There is an app called Trivia Crack, that — at the time of this writing — is officially the single most popular app in the country — and we are following Latin America where it is even more widely popular.

How it works is, you load this app on your phone and then you play against your friends on general trivia questions— you can choose random opponents as well but that takes out the fun of texting those you are playing against and taunting them. You spin the wheel which determines what category question you need to answer; art, science, history, geography, entertainment or sports. You are asked a question and you have a time limit — which is several seconds shy of how long it would take you to Google it. If you answer correctly, then you get another question and another and your opponent has to wait their turn until you get an answer wrong; sitting and watching the screen, hoping you’ll lose so they can get back in the game and save their dignity.

You need to collect the characters that correspond to each one of the categories that are determined by the wheel and you can steal characters from your person your playing if you challenge them. There are Power-Ups that will help you along with ways to eliminate options of any of the tough 90,000 questions that are constantly updated.

Now the game itself is pretty fun but that’s not the interesting part about it.

By definition, because you are playing a real life person, Trivia Crack falls in the category of a social game; meaning that you are competing with a living, breathing people somewhere else. But that title is somewhat misleading because some of the most anti-social activities can be done with social games — if you are holed up in a room for a weekend playing an interactive game with someone online, this is not exactly a social activity.

But Trivia Crack is different. First of all it’s very difficult to play the game alone. Meaning you will most likely need help, advice, direction on at least some of the areas that you’re not familiar with. So if you are playing the game in a room with people — even in a room with complete strangers — you can’t help but call out for help. Quick, what Hockey team won the most championships? And someone will answer you.

Here’s an example. We were playing the game in our living room the other night; four different games going with four different people that we knew and all of us helping each other win — and we make the ultimate team; Alex is an encyclopedia of sports knowledge, Debbie has a medical and science background Nick is great with pop culture and I have all the weird stuff. So we’re at home playing as a group.

Now a friend of ours, who is just one of those games going, was in a car with another group of other friends coming back from a trip. They are all screaming out answers to help Dave; helping him play and we are all at home were helping my wife. And — here comes the best part — while they stopped at a restaurant to eat, Dave shouted out a question to Jeff who was ahead of him and a random person heard it and answered — therefore involving even more people.

Trivia Crack as far as a game is great, but it does what Angry Birds and Candy Crush could never do. It actually gets real people talking to each other in order to play.

December 20, 2014
A prize from my dad. To you.

This past summer — around June, I think — I broke down and opened a Facebook account for the very first time. I didn’t want to — I really didn’t want to — but I did and I’m so glad that I —.

Wait — . I’m getting ahead of myself.

See, for many years I have been watching from the sidelines as all of this social network stuff popped up all around me. The posts. The likes. The people claiming they had thousands and thousands of friends. The — hey look at what I did today, saw today, thought today and while you’re at it —just look at me.

It all seemed a little silly and more than a little self-involved. So I made my stand. Nope. Not going to do it.

Then, this past summer we launched 543skills and I was told by the designers, the website experts and the marketing folks to — in a very nice way — get over it. I needed to get a personal Facebook page and one for 543skills.

So I gritted my teeth, clenched my fists, pushed the buttons and joined the social revolution.

Now I’ve stated before that I was absolutely wrong about Facebook. I find it fun, entertaining and not nearly as intrusive as I thought it would be. I have reconnected with old friends — a few of them in real life after not seeing them for decades — as well as developed stronger friendships with people I only see occasionally. We have organized events and activities and have more contact with neighbors than ever before. Facebook is — and yes I know there are other social networks out there, but one step at a time — incredible and I’m so glad I plugged into it.

Now with that in mind, there is clearly a Facebook Life and a Real Life and a gap often lies between them.

And just in the short time that I’ve been on it I admit I am much kinder, more involved and more supportive on Facebook than I am in real life.

I don’t walk up to people at a store and say, hey nice sweater. But I will on Facebook.

And why do my Facebook friends get to see pictures of my kids but my elderly aunt who doesn’t know what a computer is, never does? And why do I now communicate daily with the kids I grew up with but my cousin — who I also grew up with but isn’t on Facebook — I speak to a few times a year?

Did you know that since 1995, when the internet began at full steam, Americans have been sending less and less paper Christmas cards out each and every year with experts stating that they will most likely stop manufacturing them in bulk by 2020? — it’s so much easier to send an e-card or a message online.

And when is the last time, I mean the very last time, we picked up the phone and decided to actually call someone we haven’t heard from in a long time instead of dropping them an email or a message?

Soooo… Here is the challenge and here is the game.

But first, the prize.

What is it?

Well, my dad died in 1991. He left me his stamp collection — his entire stamp collection. It’s one of the few things that I have no fond memories of him of and I’d like someone else to have it. There are three solid photo books full of stamps from all over the world that he had been collecting for decades — they have been stored in a dry, safe location and has not been opened or seen the light of day in over twenty years. And no, I have absolutely no idea of the value. I just know that I have many things to remember him by and this collection isn’t one of them — and more importantly, he would get the biggest kick out of knowing that people were out there being nice to each other in order to get it.

And — . For those of you who aren’t into stamps, here is Option Two. I will publically sell the entire stamp collection publically on e-bay and send you the cash —. Again, I have no idea of the value but it should be pretty good.

So, here is your challenge.

Ready?

Live your life — your real life — like you do on Facebook. For a month

So how do you do this?

I have no idea. It’s your life. How should I know?

Maybe write a letter — a real, hand written letter to an old friend? Possibly, take a pile of printed photographs of your family to an elderly neighbor and show them to her. Maybe ask that crossing guard that you see every day what their name is, or pick up an acquaintance and take them to church with you. Like I said, I have no idea. It’s your life.

But be creative, be impactful and don’t just step out of your comfort zone — jump out of it.

And since those are the only rules you can’t really cheat. In fact, all you really need to do is document it by sending us a message, video, text, written story, whatever, of all the things you’ve done in your real life — something positive and worth mentioning — that you would normally only do in your Facebook life. Then, either post it to the 543skills.com Forum page (tips and tricks), or the 543skills Facebook page — and yes, there are more points added for continual posts.

The winner gets the prize, their name on the site, our unending admiration and will be crowned — 543skills, Real Life Czar.

Let’s run this game from 12/18/2014 to 01/18/2015.

Good luck. Have fun and go have a great, real life.

* * * * * * *

FACEBOOK POST:

BECCA: … I’d also like to share my vision for if I win. My grandpa and I have never lived closer than a seven hour drive from each other. He’s been an avid stamp collector for as long as I have known him. He used to go to trade shows and was very into it. He has recently decided not to have a heart surgery that doctors have suggested, feeling the risks outweigh the benefits for him. If I win, I would like to use the stamps as a discussion point for us…I plan to send him pictures of what I can to see if he can gauge their worth. If they will cover the cost, I will sell them to fund a trip for my family to visit him and for him to meet my son.

543SKILLS: The great thing about being a small website like 543skills is that we can pretty much do — whatever we want. If we want to change the rules of the contest we don’t need to meet with the board or research the bylaws or check the documentation. What documentation? We can do whatever we want to do. And we see no reason to run this contest out to January — what’s the point? You get it and we want you and your grandfather to have the prize.

Now I don’t know if this stamp collection is worth a thousand dollars or a thousand cents but we want you and your grandfather to have it — I want my father’s collection to go to your grandfather. So if you message me with your address we will get it in the mail to you this week — it won’t make it to you by Christmas but it will be there this year.

Thanks so much for telling us your story and thanks so much for being a part of this with us.

Everett De Morier
543skills.com
P.S. Here is a little about my dad you can share with your grandfather.— http://543skills.com/fathers-day/

… the collection went out to Becca’s grandfather on December 26, 2014.

Becca

Jan 9th, 9:10pm

He got the stamps! He was absolutely tickled with them and sent an email to our whole family about it

Becca

Jan 9th, 9:11pm

Said he went through them and they aren’t worth much monetarily but a kid who is new to collecting will LOVE to get their hands on them so he is donating them next time a stamp show comes by. Continuing to pay forward the kindness of you and your father 🙂

Becca

Jan 9th, 9:11pm

It was so wonderful to have something to talk about with him…thank you, truly.

December 17, 2014
The understanding of plenty

My mother, Velma De Morier, is 92 years old. Which is pretty impressive even before you add in the ands. See, she is 92 years old and still lives at home. She is 92 years old and still drives her car. She still takes care of her own bills, makes her own meals, buys her own groceries, makes muffins every Sunday for church and has the most active social life of any of us — if you’d like my mother to do something with you, choose a Tuesday or a Thursday. Those are her most flexible.

At 92 my mother remembers every family member’s birthday — including every niece, grandchild and great grandchild but then can go back to her grandparents and their extended families. And every summer we have a family reunion at her home where we will all travel for up to nine hours to descend on her Walton, NY, home for the weekend.

Now before you think that my mother is some kind of perfect human, it’s important to know that she —. Well, she sees the world a little differently. And this has nothing to do with her age, this is just her.

Here’s an example.

When I was in my twenties, a young guy on his own, I went to my parent’s home for the weekend. And like many young guys I brought a bag of laundry to do while I was there. So I did the laundry, the weekend passed and on Sunday night I said goodbye to my parents and drove the sixty miles back to my apartment in Binghamton, NY.

Now, when Monday morning came my mother got up and noticed that I had left some underwear in the dryer.

Oh no, my mother thought. My child is out there in the world without all of his clean underwear. So, Velma De Morier put the underwear in a clear —- and this is a very important part of the story — clear, plastic bag and high-tailed it the sixty miles to deliver the much needed underwear to her son.

Now, I had a small apartment at the time — my mother knew exactly where this apartment was and it provided several ideal places where you could discretely drop off underwear if needed — a fact I insisted on before signing the lease. But this was much more urgent than that. So, my mother headed to where I worked. And since it was a large corporation she drove around the buildings trying to find the main entrance. When she couldn’t, she saw some people outside one of the buildings on a smoke break.

Do you know my son? — my mother asked. And since there were over a thousand employees and I hadn’t been there that long, he didn’t. So my mother gave the man the clear bag of underwear and instructed him to give it to me. The poor guy walked the clear bag of underwear to the main building secretary. Who walked it to the second building secretary. Who gave it to the sales secretary. Who called and got the purchasing secretary to pick it up. Who was given the bag and was nice enough to drop it off on my cubicle chair.

In twenty minutes my underwear saw more of those buildings then I did for the two years I was there.

Now, the fascinating aspect of this story is that when you tell it to my mother she looks at you with that — yeah? What’s your point? expression. Because from her perspective there is absolutely nothing wrong with her actions. There was a job to do and she did it. Over.

Now, I have dozens of stories like this — ones where she had a pond dug out for us and then a few hours later realized that ponds were dangerous and had it filled back in, ones where I heard knocking on my apartment door and opened it to find four fireman there because my phone had tipped off the hook and my mother thought the apartment had filled with gas, and a few on how she nearly drowned me trying to teach me to swim — my mother can’t swim a stroke but figured the basic skills were teachable.

So you are dealing with someone that sees the world with a unique perspective.

Which is exactly the point of one of her biggest strengths.

Every Thanksgiving my mother and my mother-in-law come down to stay with us for a few days. Now, during this time I take both the grandmothers to an Amish General Store nearby that has everything from craft items to discount canned goods. Both women love it and I have a great time going through every aisle with my mom as she picks out her canned goods — canned peaches – three for a dollar, peas and carrots – fifty cents a can: she is an excited person.

Now when I take my mother home, she places her canned goods and dry goods in her already full pantry. Which brings me to the point.

My mother has a kitchen full of canned fruits and vegetables, canned soups, muffin mixes, some frozen meat and coffee. That’s pretty much all she wants and all she needs. And every day — if she’s not out to dinner with someone — she walks out to her kitchen and opens a can of soup or warms up some stewed tomatoes. That’s her dinner and that’s all she wants.

She never —- and I mean ever — walks into her kitchen and says, there’s nothing to eat here. She never — and I mean ever, looks at the canned goods and says, ughh, I feel like pizza. And she never, and I mean ever, feels like she is skimping or going without.

Now the irony is that my mother is a very particular person. She likes her coffee right out of the pot plus 15 seconds in the microwave. She doesn’t like grape jelly or chocolate and the last time she visited us, when she asked for a wash cloth and I gave her one she looked at it and said — don’t you have a thinner one?

Who in the world has a washcloth preference?

So she likes things a certain way, which makes her gratitude, simplicity and appreciation all that more amazing.

When there is snow predicted in her area I always call and ask if she has enough food — I know the answer but I like hearing her say it.

Oh, I have plenty, she says. And she does. We all do.

In a world where we have a thousand TV channels and there is nothing on. When we look at a full refrigerator and say there’s nothing to eat. When we walk through a house with games and books and sporting equipment and paper and pens and say there’s nothing to do — we need to think like Velma thinks.

We need to see all the plenty.

December 2, 2014
Finding Sergio

Throughout your life, there will be activities that fall into specific categories. For example, there are those things that you choose to do — you choose to go to work and you choose to pay your bills. These are your choices — you have power to do them or to not do them. You are in control.

Then there are those things that you get to do. Because you have chosen to keep working, you get to buy yourself a motorcycle. These are the direct benefits of the choice; the harvest of the decision — because of the choice, you receive the get.

And then there is the third — and the rarest category — which are those things that you are given to do. These are those tasks where you are called, where the tumblers click just right and you are allowed to play a role in something incredible and special.

It’s the right place and the right time, position. It’s when God has set everything in motion and you have the keys and the passcode and for however long it lasts you are given the chance to play a roll. You don’t deserve it, but you get to.

Six years ago, I got the call that started my given. And for every single second of those last six years, I have been grateful for it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, is this — Everett?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, this is —. This is Dave.”

“Oh, hey Dave.” — Dave? Dave who?

“Umm, I know this is going to sound — weird, but —. But I have this strange, this — Wow, — idea I wanted to run past you.”

And the given began.

The next day I was standing in our church sanctuary.

“So what do you think?”

The end of the sanctuary just — well, it ended. There was this — this, step in the back but then a wall. It was just a big room.

“Well a —. A stage would be —. Well probably need a stage first.”

And within a week — within four days actually — lumber was purchased and delivered and a handful of volunteers were building a fifty foot stage.

See, the challenge with most church Christmas plays is that the bar has been set so low that it’s difficult to raise — which sounds somewhat strange but it’s not. Because there is a hundred year tradition of kids standing in there bathrobes and pretending to be Joseph or a Wiseman and no matter if they remember their lines, if they forgot the bathrobe, or if they think it would be funny to burp the alphabet just then, the play will be a success. Because it’s just for the church. It’s not all that important and there isn’t a lot of skin in the game.

Dave’s idea was different.

What if you took the church Christmas play to an off Broadway level? What if you had a solid message but delivered it in an entertaining way? What if you had an original, tightly written script that could only be seen by you? What if you had music and choreography at a professional level? What if you had a budget that would allow you to get the right lights, costumes, sound equipment and props? Would if you found the best set designer — one that believed in what you do and helped guide you? What if you created an original musical where if people stepped foot in a church once a year, this would be it because it would be hard to stay away? And most importantly, what if you found a hundred people who were willing to volunteer countless hours and take the level of excellence that we give to everything else in their lives to sing, dance, act, carry props, operate lights and work at the absolute highest level they can, through months of the rehearsals and put on four shows each December?

Oh, well then you would have — this. This amazing thing that we get to do each year.

See, there was a young musical director who had this crazy idea and I was honored to be the person he called — which as a writer is actually a pretty sweet deal because writing is a very lonely gig. You write, you write, you edit and you write and then a long time later you’re read — just a little. But each year I get to make up characters and words. Then I watch my words be said by others. Then I help work those others to become those characters. Then I stop thinking of them as my words and they become the characters words. Then I get to spend time with those characters.

It’s ironic that the writing that I’m the most proud of is that which I give away — but as I think about it, guess that’s true for just about everything.

We didn’t have a stage. A script, a cast, a set. We didn’t have performers, a crew or props. What we did have was a blank sheet of paper and an idea and no rules — the same thing we start each new year with. And it has become this miraculous thing that logically shouldn’t happen —- none of this should work each year, we don’t know what we’re doing. But it does. Every year over a hundred volunteers create an original show that can’t be seen anywhere else at a level you won’t see within a hundred miles — that is absolutely free to attend. This year’s is called Finding Sergio.

Since the inception of 543skills.com we’ve never posted an invitation before. To anything. So here is the first. If you’re a few hours from Dover, Delaware on the weekend of December 12^th, 2014, I am inviting you to see an amazing event, absolutely free of charge, that shows what a bunch of people who love God can do. Finding Sergio. And if you’re not in that area, if you send us an email here I’ll make sure you get the link for the video when it’s online.

Christmas is full of suggestions to get involved, to help, to find the true meaning and all of this is important and all of it is true. But the given, is more than just volunteering or donating. It’s more personal and it’s bigger. It’s the crazy idea. The insane one that will bring you no personal wealth or glory but is something that should be done or needs to.

In your life you will be given something to do — probably more than once. It will seem small or it will seem ridiculous and you’ll be right both times.

Enjoy it.

And Merry Christmas.

November 29, 2014
10 things we hated as boys but love as men

In the long, warm Saturday’s of childhood, life remains a straightforward and clear endeavor. We have our friends. We have our family and we have the great big world; that incredible event that was put into motion simply to run through, climb over and dream about.

Then — and don’t ask me how this happens — a few Saturdays go by and then a few more. Then they come in by the dozen. And as they flip by, one-by one, we awaken to discover that we are now shaving, paying car insurance and there are other humans that have our last name.

Wow. Weird.

And even though there are many, many boyhood ideals that are worth keeping and preserving — honor, trust, dignity, faith — there are also areas that we never get to appreciate until we are older.

Here are the top ten.

10. Rarer meats.

Remember when we liked our hamburgers the same way we did our marshmallows over a fire? — charred to perfection? Then, over time, we came to appreciate all that moisture and flavor that is kept in the red parts. A rare piece of prime rib is something we will be excited for on New Years Eve but would have us gagging only a few years before.

9. Naps.

Naps are God’s way of telling us that he loves us. As kids we avoided naps; thinking that some amazing things would occur that we would miss. Then, as adults we found out that there is a way to reset the day. It’s this magical doorway that we get to walk through every now and then.

8. Spicy foods.

As kids, spicy means pain. Period. As adults spicy is not only the bragging rights to the macho, but it actually contains dopamine — the main ingredient in herion. As a kid, even pepper will have is crying. As an adult, we’ll put Red Hot on our cereal.

7. The party going on, without us.

Men, are pack animals. And the majority of our young lives — and our young-adult lives — are dictated by the extremely strong drive to be at every gathering, every time, no matter what — it’s as strong as the one that drives the salmon up river. If there is a party — any kind of party, anywhere, any time — we will be there because we couldn’t stand knowing there is fun going on without us. Then, one day, the world doesn’t revolve around us and we’re okay with that. That drive is reduced and we get to go only if we want to. Which is so much better.

6. Coffee.

Coffee is a gray area because it’s like booze in that it’s difficult to know if people actually enjoy the taste of it, or they just enjoy the feeling from drinking it. I’m not sure. But zillions of people drink coffee and as a kid we wouldn’t touch the stuff. Even if you poured in a pound of white sugar and added a few dozen Mars bars. No way.

5. Being alone.

What was once feared is now coveted. The boyhood idea of being alone means you were unloved, uncared for and unprotected. It was punishment. The adult version means that you are unplugged, unencumbered and free. We can do what we want with no one dictating or requesting. This amount of time, this space, is completely ours.

4. Cooking.

The act of cooking actually fits very well into our male frame of mind. It has structure, rules — the ones you can break and the ones you can’t — and involves building and constructing something. As kids we enjoyed that there were a tram of large humans that would no our bidding. As men it’s nice to not only be creative in the kitchen, but to serve others.

3. Haircuts.

Why did we hate these as kids? We would scream and yell as if they were removing bone-marrow not cutting hair? — but we took that lollipop at the end, didn’t we? Sell outs. And then one day we not only didn’t mind getting our haircut but we actually enjoyed the experience — the social aspect of it, the people watching and the ability to walk out with a new look.

2. Girls.

It’s ironic that the opposite-sex moves from the category of creepy and useless, to dangerous and fearful. One day we cant stand them and the next we are petrified of them. Then we pass though that whole dating and marriage thing and find ourselves having more and more women friends — who are the ones we seek when looking for guidance advice and empathy.

1. Being wrong.

For most of our boyhood and young adult life, there is this embedded need to be found right. We will research, Google, debate and interview if it means that we can be justified and found to be correct — preferably stated as such, preferably aloud in front of others. Then — one day — the credit for being right appears a bit hollow. In fact, when it comes to being right or being kind, our older self will choose kind.

November 26, 2014
The Country Club

“There you go, sir.”

It wasn’t the sir that she used. People call me sir, all the time. Casually without affection; in fact they call every male, sir —- from McDonalds to Starbucks. Thank you, sir. Here’s your change, sir. Have a good day, sir.

It wasn’t the sir — not at all, I don’t even hear that any longer — it was that after saying it, she waited for my answer. She just stood there and waited.

The bar was busy but not the way a commercial bar would have been. It was busy like a Country Club bar is — which is exactly what it was. There weren’t people leaning over the wooden top, waving paper money in order to get a Budweiser longneck and get back to the pool table. No. These were Country Club people. Successful people — and Southern, Country Club, successful people — so it was different. It was patient and elegant and relaxed.

And hey, I’m not a total buffoon when it coms to this stuff. I’ve been to some elite places in my life — five star restaurants, exclusive resorts, yacht clubs, executive ranches, mountain retreats, Country Clubs — none of which I did — or could have — paid for myself, of course. That’s not the point. But all of them work venues. All business trips. I’ve gone a lot of places. But not on my own.

And I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to see the places I have but it means that I’ve been there and my family has not. In fact, outside of our one and only trip to Key West when we were first married, twenty-two years ago, my wife and I have never been on a flight together. Ever. I have not been on one with the kids either — oh, we’ve taken countless car trips, too many to count, but never a flight.

I’ve been to Iceland, San Francisco, Luxembourg, all through Canada, the Bahamas, Las Vegas, 39 of the lower 48 States. All for business. All without my family.

“Can I get you anything else, sir?”

And that was the question. And that’s when she waited for my answer.

There were a few of us there that night that were not club members; we had all came to the office for a few days of meetings and one of the owners of our company, Paul, wanted to take us all out to dinner. Just something casual. Just a quick meal at the club.

Now it’s important to note that there is nothing pompous or arrogant about Paul — there usually aren’t about self-made men. He is kind person who became very successful through hard work and smart, solid business decisions and I have nothing but respect for him. But there is always a mental switch that gets flipped — whether by ego or fear — when you step into another man’s life and look around. Especially when it’s a successful one. The yardstick is out and the self-examination has begun.

Chris — Paul’s son — was sitting at the bar laughing. Chris is one of the Directors of the company and no, he was not given that position by birthright but earned every aspect of it. He’s young — somewhere in the late twenties to early thirties area — sharp, hardworking and grew up coming to this very Country Club. Chris was reluctant to come to dinner tonight because he has a complete day of presentations to orchestrate for tomorrow and then he is taking Friday off to fly to Miami with a young lady for the weekend — just shooting down to Miami for a few days. The same way that I would just shoot over to Wal-Mart or maybe, on a whim, jet to the park with Alex and pitch some horseshoes.

Will my son’s, Nick and Alex, ever sit at a Country Club like this and wonder if they have time to get back to their condo on the James River and get packed before a quick weekend away in the sun? At lunch will they compare who the best fly fishing guides in Mexico are and why Oktoberfest in Munich is so much better than the one in Belgium?

Probably not. That life is as foreign to them as it is to me. But what disadvantages do they have because of that? How many steps back on the game board have I started them out with, because I haven’t provided that? If I had worked harder? If I was smarter? Could I have gotten them here? Could I have gotten us here? And how much happier would we all be?

But then —? Would I want this for them or would I want it for the ego of providing it for them?

And this — this type of thinking — is exactly what happens when you start to compare lives. We feel successful when we learn a High School rival hasn’t worked in three years, but we feel lazy when another one just sold his company to Google.

So when is it okay? — as a father, as a husband, as a man — when is the right time to take enjoyment in what we’ve provided for our families and say, yeah, that was enough? — not to be complacent but to be grateful? Not to label or measure a life by points but to shrug off the ego and just — and just enjoy it?

Is this something you do only when you are 81 years old? Is it lazy to do it at 51?

“Can I get you anything else, sir?”

And although there were other customers at the bar she needed to get to, she just stood there. Smiling at me and waiting. She would not go away. She would not release me if there was anything else I needed. The others could wait. If I wanted a guitar string or a car battery or the lyrics to a Beetles song, she would leave and get it for me before moving on to the next customer.

She just waited.

“Well,” I said, smiling. “I’ll let you know.”

November 22, 2014