543 Magazine

Category: Social Skills

  • The core

    The core

    the core     I just reviewed some standard sourcing material that Guidance Counselors use for career assessment — you know, the stuff that helps students determine what majors to take in college and then what career path to pursue. There was a lot of information to go through, so I first took a few aptitude tests and then familiarized myself with learning platforms. Then I ran through personality assessments, aptitude enhancing exercises and tracking material to map my career path through online grids. I did all of that.

    And? What did all of this determine that I should be doing for a living?

    Well, it looks like I should be in —- Alternate Dispute Resolution.

    Yup. That’s the career for me.

    Now, I’m not really sure what Alternate Dispute Resolution is, but it doesn’t really matter because I love the field that I’m in and I love the job that I have — which has absolutely nothing to do with Alternate Dispute Resolution.

    So what does this mean? Does it mean that the tests aren’t accurate? Does it mean that real life will lead you to where you should go?

    Well sort of. But first, let me distract you with some statistics.

    Recently, Monster.com did a survey which interviewed over 8,000 people in seven different countries and asked them detailed questions about their education and their careers. This is what they found.

    15% of the US workers interviewed said that that they hated their jobs — this was the highest rate among the seven countries surveyed.

    Who had the lowest rate of people who hated their jobs? India, with only 5%.

    The highest pay per capita of all the countries surveyed? — yup, U.S. But — now this is interesting — the US had both the lowest allotted vacation time given to employees as well as the lowest vacation time actually taken. 60% of all US workers roll unused vacation time over each year, where in the Netherlands it’s only 7% and— now this is also interesting — only 8% of the employees in the Netherlands stated that they hated their jobs.

    Hmmm.

    Okay, question two. What percentage of college graduates end up working in their career fields?

    Answer: Roughly half. About 50% of those people with college degrees end up working in their field — and 35% of those people said that they have never worked in that field. Ever.

    Okay, one more. 38% of the people polled said that the need for professionals in their chosen field drastically changed by the time they graduated. So, they entered school to be a teacher because the market was good, and four years later there is an overabundance of teachers and they couldn’t find a job in their field.

    Okay, so what does all of this mean? Well, one thing it means is that we have a culture that works hard, is afraid to unplug and who never really ends up in the field that they spend thousands of dollars being educated in — and then spending the next twenty years paying off. It means that following the money never works. It also means that the long term career plans — don’t really work.

    So —. That’s it.

    What? What do you mean —-? That’s it?

    Yeah. That’s the whole point. That as simplistic as it sounds, the answer to this — and most large questions in life — is that plans are important but with the bigger aspects of life, plans are simply a direction to start moving in. There are too many variables that will determine the end result. They don’t really matter.

    Only this does.

    The core.

    If your heart is strong. If you give more than you take. If you put the needs of those around you in front of your own and if you respect the person who looks back in the mirror — then you will go where you need to be. You will head where you need to head. You will land where the world needs you to be. Every time.

    But if your core is out of balance; is self focused, bitter, jealous or simply driven by the prize itself. Then where you end up is just a location.

    Always.

    You can do all the math, take all the tests and use all the tools and it wont matter. If you contribute, if you think, if you create, if you love and if you believe. Then you’ll get where God wants you to be.

    Work on the core and pick a direction. The rest will take care of itself.

  • To Whom it May Concern

    To Whom it May Concern

    leoMy name is Leo Blathe and I would like this letter to act as a personal recommendation for Brandon Delucca for the position of Senior Vice President at Cheltech Industries.

    I have had the pleasure of knowing Brandon for over three years now and during that time I have found him to be a creative and goal oriented individual to which any company would by impacted by hiring.

    I first came to know Brandon when he was a young college student and went door to door looking for odd jobs in our neighborhood. And yes, I have to admit that I was very impressed by his tenacity but I didn’t feel that we needed any help at that time. It was actually my wife, Jocelyn, who immediately saw the potential in this young man and he soon began doing odd jobs for us; helping around the house, mowing the lawn as well as running errands. Later on, as my position changed and I needed to spend more time on the road, Brandon became invaluable to us by not only taking on more responsibility at the house but was even thoughtful enough to stay overnight while I was away. Jocelyn often commented on how comforting it was to have Brandon there while I was gone and I felt better knowing that he was.

    As time moved on, Brandon became a bigger and bigger part of our family. But it was about a year later that I got to know Brandon extremely well during the many court appearances that I would see him at during our somewhat complicated divorce trial. At that time, Brandon was not only dependable enough to make sure that Jocelyn made it to each and every court appearance — she didn’t miss even one — but he was also thoughtful enough to drive her in my 1967 Camaro that I had restored so that I could see it. And I have to admit, seeing that car made the long walk back to the hotel all that more pleasant.

    As a side note, Brandon is a very talented singer; he plays the guitar and has some extremely impressive dramatic talents. And — oh my gosh — this boy is funny. If you could have seen him during the trial; convincing the judge and court officials that I ran a large methamphetamine lab in our garage —holy cow, I thought I was in a comedy club. In fact, this act was so impressive that the court folks didn’t know that Brandon was joking! Isn’t that amazing? And it was this very enactment that was responsible for me being able to now see my children any time I want to — as long as that is no more than twice a month and providing that a Child Protective Service’s agent is available.

    Brandon is an intelligent, capable and dedicated young man. He is quick on his feet and adept at handling any situation. One example of this was when my security clearance at work was being questioned due to the media coverage of our divorce. It was Brandon who played another one of his practical jokes and convinced the National Security Agency that besides being an obvious flight risk, that I had also bragged to him about my years of embezzling and should probably remain under house arrest until this could be fully investigated. And let me tell you, besides it being a pretty funny joke, I sure did appreciate all that down time right about then. I mean, after all the stress of the divorce, my arrest, the heart attack and Brandon’s accident when the Camaro was totaled — don’t worry, he’s fine — it was sure nice to sit in that hotel room and decompress for hours on end. And what a treat; the calming sounds of the freight trains, wow. But it was one nostalgic trip down memory lane getting to watch all three television channels on the hotel rooms black and white television, with vintage rabbit-ears antenna — just like I did as a kid. Ahh, good times. Good times.

    So please feel free to contact me with any questions regarding the employment of Brandon Delucca for my old position at Cheltech Technologies. Although I no longer have a cell phone and am not allowed near a computer until I can explain how all those photographs got on my laptop, you can always contact me through my court appointed attorney; Martin Pincolwski. And please do. I don’t receive much mail any more and I would very much enjoy corresponding with anyone about Brandon. Or if you’d like, we could discuss sports. Or current events. Or anything you’d like. Anything at all.

    Please write me.

     

    Sincerely,

     

    Leo Blathe

  • The heart of cool

    The heart of cool

    ethan

    There is a supermarket near us where Debbie often sends me to get last minute items — it’s a short drive from our house and is ideal when we need one green pepper or a dozen eggs. Things like that. And yes, it’s convenient. And yeah, it’s reasonably priced. But more importantly it’s where a kid named Ethan works.

    Now, I’m using the word kid here because I have no idea of Ethan’s real age. He’s young — but every year a larger slice of the population look young to me — and he does have those weird double earrings that appear as if dime sized holes were drilled through his earlobes — but they’re not — and if I had to guess I’d say he was somewhere between 17 and the ripe old age of 20. Around there. Which by using the age barometer that we  middle aged men carry; this puts him well within the kid range.

    The grocery store in question is convenient and well stocked and the first time I met Ethan there he was loading yogurts in a dairy case. I walked right by him, to the next glass door. I had already looked in there but you never know, maybe I missed what I wanted so I looked again. Nope. And when I didn’t find it for the second time, I closed the door, turned and saw Ethan’s half smile.

    “I look lost, huh?”

    “Maybe,” Ethan smirked.

    “I’m looking for the Bob Evans, Macaroni and Cheese. You know the ones that –.”

    It was then that Ethan’s smirk became a wider smile. “I gotcha,” he nodded. As if in the history of franchise food shopping, Bob Evans Macaroni and Cheese was the greatest thing that anyone could be looking for. Ever. And only those like me — the rare, the connected, the exceptional — would even think to ask for it.

    Ethan abandoned his pallet of yogurts and walked me over three aisles. He then opened a refrigerator case to reveal two shelves of Bob Evans food products. There. Just waiting for me.

    I thanked Ethan and he smiled and went back to his yogurt.

    After that, anytime I couldn’t find something I would seek Ethan out — I could have found it myself. Eventually. But even if I did, I would have missed out on that cool experience.

    Because that’s what Ethan is. He is one of those rare individuals who are naturally cool. Not cocky. Not arrogant. Not proud, smug or conceited. But cool — because there is a big difference.

    And cool is so much better than all of those other things. Cool is even better than just being confident and self-assured.

    Because cool is — . Well, it’s cool.

    Cool is the ability to be positive, but so much so that people feel confident around you. Cool is inviting. Cool is happy and content — it’s the attitude that no matter where you are, that’s the place to be.

    Cool doesn’t hide anything but it celebrates everything. It can’t be bought, it can’t be faked and it can’t be forced. Because it’s not a destination it’s a side effect.

    Which means, that is we try to get to cool — we never will. Ever. And by trying we’ll get lost or think we’re there — which is so much worse than not being cool at all.

    Cool has nothing to do with what you wear, what you drive, how much money you make, who you know, or where you’ve been. Cool doesn’t care about any of that.

    And cool isn’t perfect or flawless; cool makes mistakes and has errors and even regrets. But cool doesn’t hide those mistakes but celebrates them.

    If you think your cool, you’re not. If you don’t care if you’re cool, you might be — but most likely you’re still not.

    But whether or not we have the ability to be cool, we all have the ability to do things that are cool — which is almost as good.

    Because every time we make someone feel important, powerful or essential — that’s cool.

    Every time we ignore what is normal, standard or average and embrace what simply feels right — that’s cool.

    Every time we turn the attention from us to someone else in a public way — that’s cool.

    Every time we enjoy something from the background, every act that is kind, every chance we have to step forward even though we’re scared to death, for every aspect of beauty that we notice that we’ve never seen before …

    That’s very, very cool.

  • The Country Club

    The Country Club

    thankscountrydining

    “There you go, sir.”

    It wasn’t the sir that she used.  People call me sir, all the time. Casually without affection; in fact they call every male, sir —- from McDonalds to Starbucks. Thank you, sir. Here’s your change, sir. clubHave a good day, sir.

    It wasn’t the sir — not at all, I don’t even hear that any longer — it was that after saying it, she waited for my answer. She just stood there and waited.

    The bar was busy but not the way a commercial bar would have been. It was busy like a Country Club bar is — which is exactly what it was. There weren’t people leaning over the wooden top, waving paper money in order to get a Budweiser longneck and get back to the pool table. No. These were Country Club people. Successful people — and Southern, Country Club, successful people — so it was different. It was patient and elegant and relaxed.

    And hey, I’m not a total buffoon when it coms to this stuff. I’ve been to some elite places in my life — five star restaurants, exclusive resorts, yacht clubs, executive ranches, mountain retreats, Country Clubs  — none of which I did — or could have — paid for myself, of course. That’s not the point. But all of them work venues. All business trips. I’ve gone a lot of places. But not on my own.

    And I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to see the places I have but it means that I’ve been there and my family has not. In fact, outside of our one and only trip to Key West when we were first married, twenty-two years ago, my wife and I have never been on a flight together. Ever. I have not been on one with the kids either — oh, we’ve taken countless car trips, too many to count, but never a flight.

    I’ve been to Iceland, San Francisco, Luxembourg, all through Canada, the Bahamas, Las Vegas, 39 of the lower 48 States. All for business. All without my family.

    “Can I get you anything else, sir?”

    And that was the question. And that’s when she waited for my answer.

    There were a few of us there that night that were not club members; we had all came to the office for a few days of meetings and one of the owners of our company, Paul, wanted to take us all out to dinner. Just something casual. Just a quick meal at the club.

    Now it’s important to note that there is nothing pompous or arrogant about Paul — there usually aren’t about self-made men. He is kind person who became very successful through hard work and smart, solid business decisions and I have nothing but respect for him. But there is always a mental switch that gets flipped — whether by ego or fear —  when you step into another man’s life and look around. Especially when it’s a successful one. The yardstick is out and the self-examination has begun.

    Chris — Paul’s son — was sitting at the bar laughing. Chris is one of the Directors of the company and no, he was not given that position by birthright but earned every aspect of it. He’s young — somewhere in the late twenties to early thirties area — sharp, hardworking and grew up coming to this very Country Club. Chris was reluctant to come to dinner tonight because he has a complete day of presentations to orchestrate for tomorrow and then he is taking Friday off to fly to Miami with a young lady for the weekend — just shooting down to Miami for a few days. The same way that I would just shoot over to Wal-Mart or maybe, on a whim, jet to the park with Alex and pitch some horseshoes.

    Will my son’s, Nick and Alex, ever sit at a Country Club like this and wonder if they have time to get back to their condo on the James River and get packed before a quick weekend away in the sun? At lunch will they compare who the best fly fishing guides in Mexico are and why Oktoberfest in Munich is so much better than the one in Belgium?

    Probably not. That life is as foreign to them as it is to me. But what disadvantages do they have because of that? How many steps back on the game board have I started them out with, because I haven’t provided that? If I had worked harder? If I was smarter? Could I have gotten them here? Could I have gotten us here? And how much happier would we all be?

    But then —? Would I want this for them or would I want it for the ego of providing it for them?

    And this — this type of thinking — is exactly what happens when you start to compare lives. We feel successful when we learn a High School rival hasn’t worked in three years, but we feel lazy when another one just sold his company to Google.

    So when is it okay? — as a father, as a husband, as a man —  when is the right time to take enjoyment in what we’ve provided for our families and say, yeah, that was enough? — not to be complacent but to be grateful? Not to label or measure a life by points but to shrug off the ego and just — and just enjoy it?

    Is this something you do only when you are 81 years old? Is it lazy to do it at 51?

    “Can I get you anything else, sir?”

    And although there were other customers at the bar she needed to get to, she just stood there. Smiling at me and waiting. She would not go away. She would not release me if there was anything else I needed. The others could wait. If I wanted a guitar string or a car battery or the lyrics to a Beetles song, she would leave and get it for me before moving on to the next customer.

    She just waited.

    “Well,” I said, smiling. “I’ll let you know.”

  • Facebook

    Facebook

    facebook

    Facebook is ten years old this year. Can you believe it? Which means that for a solid decade we’ve been able to digitally connect with friends, co-workers and family, whether they were a few blocks away or around the world — instantaneously. Just like that. We can now share events, tragedies, laugh at jokes and keep connected — all the time; not just through yearly Christmas Cards or the occasionally phone call. We can watch children grow up, share videos of events and rally around when needed. All the time and everywhere — from our laptops to our phones. We are always connected to them.

    And because we are so accustomed to Facebook it’s difficult to remember a time before it. When if you wanted to reconnect with someone you would Google their name and hope to find an email address — which you never could and it actually just lead to bit of digital stalking; looking in but not able to knock at the door. But not now. A quick Facebook search and not only can you often find the person you are looking for, but by the very act that they are on Facebook states they are willing to consider reconnecting with you.

    Today, by the stroke of a keyboard, decades can disappear and within seconds not only can we be joined back to the people we remember so clearly even though so many years have passed, but they are brought into our current life and become part of the day to day Facebook feed. Facebook has made the world small and accessible.

    [amazon asin=B007PJ4PN2&template=iframe image][amazon asin=076116085X&template=iframe image][amazon asin=1439102120&template=iframe image][amazon asin=B00DN88V52&template=iframe image]

    Now, I am celebrating my own personal anniversary with Facebook. Three months. I have been a part of Facebook for one quarter now and I have to admit, I like it and I see value in it — even though I did not go willingly. When we were ready to launch 543skills I was told — in a very nice way — to get over it and get on Facebook. It was necessary to coordinate the site with social media which meant getting a personal Facebook page and then one for the site. So I did. But the reality is I think I was ready.

    In part, the delay might have been because I actually felt special because I shunned Facebook. And possibly I was waiting for Mark Zuckerburg to call me and ask if there was anything he ever did to offend me. I would even grandstand a little on how I didn’t get involved in such things. But there were two other parts. The second was that I thought Facebook was a lot more intrusive than it really is. It’s not. You can open the door as wide or as shallow as you want to. But the second reason was —.

    Well, here’s an example.

    There is a company called Publish America. I am not going to say anything about this company; instead let’s play a game. Take the next three minutes — that’s all you’ll need, three minutes — and do a Google search of this company; Publish America. Then come back.

    Go.

    Okay, in those three minutes you have seen many things. In fact, within seconds of your search, on the very first Google page, you will see the words, complaints, lawsuits, beware, as well as the F-Rating from The Better Business Bureau — and this is thirty seconds into your allotted three minutes of time. In fact, on that same first page you will see that this company has changed their name in order to keep operating and put some distance between the lawsuits and image of the old company.

    Now with all of that. Here is the question. In the three minutes of your Google search, if someone were considering signing an agreement with this company, what would you advise them?

    Correct. So why does Publish America continue to get customers? Why do would-be authors sign up with them — every day?

    Great question.

    So here is what Publish America is about. If you want to get published, you send your manuscript into Publish America and they accept it — they say they reject many, but that’s not true (Google; Atlanta Nights and see what I mean). So they accept your book, give you one dollar as an advance and voila, you are a published author.

    So, you tell all your family and friends that you are now published and of course they want to read your book — which Publish America will gladly sell them for thirty dollars. In fact Publish America will sell anyone your soft cover book for thirty dollars — because it’s Print-on-Demand — except bookstores, who won’t touch your book because it’s not edited, its error ridden, because Publish America is not a legitimate publisher, because the price is ridiculously high and because you cannot return them. Oh yeah, once you sign the contract, Publish America now owns your book and they can keep it for seven years — unless you wish to buy it back. The business model is that Publish America markets books to its authors. Period.

    When I first heard about this company I thought it was sickening; taking the dreams of people and stealing it. But if you go on the Publish America website and look at the videos of the Writers Conferences they do, you will see something different. You will see — ego. That’s it. People who want to be read not because they think they have something to say, but because they think what they have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say. They don’t want to go through the work of being a writer, they just want the title.

    And this is what I thought Facebook was. People who didn’t want to go through the work of being a friend, they just wanted the title.

    I was wrong.

    Do people abuse Facebook? Absolutely. There are those who now don’t need to be a friend in order to have a friend. Facebook becomes a substitute, a cheat. Yup. And there are those whose Facebook lives are far more glamorous than their ones in reality. But for every one of them, there are dozens of just plain people. Folks connecting and laughing and celebrating and supporting.

    So sorry, Facebook. I was wrong.

  • The Files

    The Files

     

    memo

    When we are born, when we first take delivery of our body, there is some set up and installation time required for the main component; the brain. And this takes a little while to completely go through. So since nothing interesting can happen until the brain is fully functional, for the first three years of life — as our brain goes through this construction and set up phase — we remain in in a state of LOADING. During this period, software is installing, hardware is being assembled, code is being added in and miles and miles of connections and cables are being strung. It’s a capital project and after several years we are ready for some trial runs as we first put our brain through its paces.

    This is why any long term memories we have begin at around age three because before this, our brain is unable to store and record. But from that point on, we are given the keys to our mind and we start to determine who we are and who are the people around us. What will we believe? Who will we trust? What’s important and what is our place in the universe?

    So we are an adult at 18, we can drink at 21, we can drive at 16, but we are responsible for our own thoughts at around age three.

    Now when we first start using this brand new brain of ours, it begins in vacuum-cleaner-mode as we suck up all information on everything around us. Everything. Pure data. Pure experience. All is recorded.

    Then, after a few years of doing this, there is sufficient enough information to begin to sort it all. So the first category we create is, THINGS THAT ARE SAFE and the other is for THINGS THAT ARE SCARY. And everything new goes in one of these two boxes. Then once those files are established, old data is pulled out and resorted; the chair is safe, but the cat hissed at us once so he now goes in the scary box. And for years the world is divided into two parts. The safe and the frightening.  Safe is good. Scary is bad.

    Then we add new files: what tastes good and what does not. What is easy and what is hard. What gets us attention and what gets us ignored. And file after file after file is filled. And we call this personality; how we react to things, what we avoid and what we gravitate to.

    This is what people remember about us. This is the footprint we leave in a crowd.

    Okay, so here’s the scenario.

    You are now an adult, with your seasoned, battle tested brain. And for this illustration let’s put you in prison — sorry, you’ve lead a very troubled life. So you’re in prison, but because you are an extremely smart convict, one day you escape. You get out of your cell, you get outside the pod and then you get out of the building. You make it over the wall and into the woods. Now, because you are a very detailed person you manage to ditch the orange prison jumpsuit and get into some street clothes. You get a little cash and are a few hundred miles away before the guards even know you’re gone.

    Like I said, you are very, very smart.

    Now, because you are a disciplined person, once you are free you do not make contact with your sister in Albany or your childhood friend in Tulsa and you don’t even go to father’s funeral six months later. You cut all ties with his past at places where they may be looking for you. You get a new identity, a new life and a new job.

    So, here is the question. Will you get caught?

    Answer: Yes.

    Why? Because without even realizing it, you will begin operating according to those old files and if the police are looking for you they will find you. And when they do, you will be making a living as a mechanic, like you did before. And you will be on a dart league, like you were before. And you will be a member of the Moose Club and you will order rose bulbs from a catalog and drink Mountain Dew and follow the New York Giants. All like you did before. And even though your name is now Kevin Loomis, you are the same person as before and if the police follow your profile they will find you and they will drag your sorry backside back to A-block.

    Why? Because as disciplined as you are you never changed your profile. You operated only according to the old files.

    Now, is this programming our personality? Well if it is then you need to alter it or you’re going back to prison. But what if this personality is stopping us from taking better care of our families or making more money? What if it’s stopping us from obtaining a more personal relationship with God or being just plain being happier? After all, this personality of ours didn’t come in a box. We built it with the brain we were given. It was whittled and formed by each experience and fear and belief and desire. A trillion tiny thoughts, a million tiny events chipped away and made us, us.

    We take the same route home from work. We sit in the same seats during lunch. We go to the same garage when our car doesn’t work and we order the same pizza on Saturday night. Is that our personality? Is that what makes us, us? Pizza and car repair?

    So what’s the moral of all this?

    It’s this.

    You are not what you drive or what you eat or the team you root for. You are not even how you have chosen to act for the last thirty or seventy years. The real you — and you may not even know who that really is yet — is much, much more.

    And it’s your job to find out who that is. And then once you know, dump the files you don’t like or need.

    And fill new ones.

  • The truth about self-discipline

    The truth about self-discipline

     

    red

    Okay, let’s say you have a goal you want to achieve and for the sake of the example let’s make it a weight and fitness goal. You want to lose twenty pounds. So in order to do this you put together a plan to achieve your goal; you create a fitness schedule, develop a nutritional diet, get a training partner, fill your Facebook and Twitter pages with you can do it re-posts and hit the ground running. Pow, slam, bang. You’re off.

    Now, a few weeks go by and you’ve lost some weight, you feel good, you’re gaining momentum until — until. Until that first big craving hits. And when this craving shows up — strong, determined and bloodthirsty — things start to go bad.

    The craving slithers on the scene and his desires are clear. He hates you. And he wants to destroy you and in order to do that he is going to make you eat that entire family size chicken and gravy, bucket meal. Now, you want to stop the craving, because the last thing in the world you want to do is to have to eat that entire bucket of crispy goodness.

    So the fight begins and the first punch is thrown.

    Over the next few minutes you slug it out with your craving — he gains a little, then you, then him again — until a winner is declared. And either the craving slumps away, happy and fat; leaving you crying with gravy on your shirt. Or you win and the craving leaves, bumping your shoulder and telling you that he’ll be back — loser.

    And this is how we see the path of self-discipline. As a fight. A fight between us and that powerful force out there who wants to hurt us, humiliate us and control us. So the only choice is that this force has to be defeated, beaten and destroyed.

    Right?

    No.

    And here’s why. Is there a force that wants us to eat that food?

    Yes. Yes there is.

    Does it hate us?

    No. It’s trying to keep us safe and happy — actually that’s what its job is.

    Okay, so who put it there?

    We did.

    That force — that strong and destructive entity that can only be defeated by our grit and grace — is not a force at all. It’s a little piece of software — let’s call it wetware — that is clicking along doing what we told it to do. We set it. We programmed it and then we left and forgot it and when it showed back up we tried to fight it — forgetting that we had all the passwords.

    Here’s a real life parallel. There are three ladies that work at a barbershop near our home and one of these ladies smokes. She has smoked for years and has she tried quitting several times. And one particular time that she was trying to quit, her entire personality changed. I mean, this sweet and kind woman was now short tempered and actually cruel. Mean. Her personality altered so much, that those around her just wanted their friend to come back. They no longer cared about her smoking. In fact, customers began coming in with packs of cigarettes for her — they actually did, buying cigarettes for the first time in their lives to give to her.

    The same people — the very same ones — that for years had begged her to quit smoking, were now the very ones who wanted her to smoke the most.

    “Just smoke one,” they’d say, through frightened and concerned smiles.  “Just smoke one and everything will be okay.”

    And it was okay. She smoked and went back to herself. The person they loved came back.

    Don’t let me get stressed, we tell the wetware.

    Okay. And the wetware searches to make that happen and locks it in. Chicken bucket. And the higher the stress is — even if the very stress is about ‘not eating the chicken bucket — the more the program will try to get you to eat it so you’re not stressed.

    So here is the good news. That force, that all powerful force that you think you have to fight — is actually on your side. As powerful as you think he is, he can be even more powerful helping you — since that’s all he wants anyway. It’s all he’s ever wanted.

    He doesn’t care if you smoke, he just wants you happy. He doesn’t care if you are overweight, he just wants you happy.

    But what if he can help you do both?

    Now here is where things get a little touchee-feellee for a while. So, how do we do this? How do we reprogram the wetware?

    By talking to it.

    I know, it sounds weird, but that is when the programming occurs. And how it occurs. And the best time to talk to it is when one of these cravings are are turned on — when the wetware is active.

    Just start asking it, why do you want me to have this? What will I get out of this?  And the big one — what are you afraid of, for me?

    And don’t be surprised if it’s the last query that gets you the answer. Fear — what are you afraid of, for me?

    And that’s it. That’s really all there is to it. When that ‘craving’, that desire, that urge to avoid, comes around, simply talk to it. That’s the only way to lift up the lid and look right into the actual programming code; to see what is driving that piece of wetware.

    Why do you want me to do this?

    What am I afraid of?

    What am I trying to avoid by doing this?

    And you’ll get your answer.

    That’s the secret.

     

  • The Fifty-Year-Old You

    The Fifty-Year-Old You

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    Medifast has come up with an advertising campaign that is not only very creative, but extremely powerful. In these campaigns a person is filmed at the beginning of their fitness plan, having a conversation with someone in a chair next to them — only there is no one in that chair. They are speaking as if they are talking to a new version of themselves, 12 weeks into the program. Then, at the end of the 12 weeks, the same individual comes back and is filmed talking to the other empty chair, as if having a conversation with themselves from 12 weeks ago. Through some video magic these two films are edited into a seamless conversation.

    We see the old version —- beaten, discouraged, and afraid — being encouraged by the new version who is strong, fit, and confident. Of course the new individual is not afraid of anything, because the new one knows what will happen. The new you holds all the secrets.

    Today, I have done the same thing for you — the you of today. I’ve gone into the future and found you at 50 years old. We have spoken and I have brought him here and he wants to tell you a few things. He wants to talk to his 20-year-old, 30-year-old, and 40-year-old self, to not only let him know what to expect but to give him his insights and cheats for the next few decades.

    So here are the five things the 50-year-old you wants you to know.

    #1. You look good.  

    Yes, there will come a point, ten, twenty, or thirty years from now, when you will look at a picture of yourself at this current point in time — it could even be a picture that is taken at this very moment — and that new you is going to smile and think, Wow, I wasn’t bad looking back then.

    Today is the best you will look. Now this might sound like bad news, but it’s not. It does not mean that your appearance will degrade from now on. It means that you won’t appreciate your appearance until it does.

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    And that’s the clincher. There will never, ever, be a time when the exact amount you appreciate how you look meets the exact way you look. It just doesn’t happen. Because by the time you do appreciate it, time has moved on and you’re looking back at a photograph and wishing you looked like that now.

    Here is the paradox: If the 30-year-old you was looking at a photograph of the 20-year-old you, he would wish he looked like that now. And if you took a picture of that you looking at that picture, the 40-year-old you would look at the 30-year-old you and wish the same thing — while the 30-year-old you was wishing it on the 20-year-old you in the photograph.

    Which means that someday you will want to look like exactly the way you do right now. Learn to appreciate it.

     #2. Most of the time, you’re kind of a jerk.

    Although your physical appearance is just fine the way it is, your view of life kind of sucks. As a man in your 20s, 30s, and even 40s, your skin is far too thin and your self-involvement levels are way too high. So much that if you and the 50-year-old version of you were talking at a party, the older version would politely excuse himself and find someone more interesting to be around.

    Insecurity runs deep in men and when you mix that with our need for acceptance, the end result is a highly internalized, afraid, and somewhat shallow individual.

    What the evidence? The 50-year-old version of yourself never takes a selfie. Never. Whereas the 20, 30, and 40-year-old version may have dozens of them scattered across social networks.

    Now mix this self-involvement along with another trait the younger version of you has: the need to be right. The younger version of you not only needs to be right, but he needs to prove to those people around him that he’s right — no matter what.

    Although you may build houses for the poor and read to the blind on your free time, your 20, 30, and even 40-year-old attitude needs a little tweaking. Eventually, your confidence will increase and you’ll settle into a solid view of the world, but until then, relax, take the focus off yourself and think.

    #3. Money is better than stuff.

    Now this may seem like a somewhat cold view of life, but it’s actually the opposite. The 50-year-old you knows that money — meaning the actual currency that you’ve earned and built up — is far better than the things you can buy with that currency.

    Yes, there will be a day when you are looking at that photo album and you’ll miss that car you had when you were 20 or that motorcycle you biked to Maine on. But in reality you’re not missing the tangible car, you’re missing the places you went in it — you’re missing the friends that rode with you to Maine.

    As cold and non-poetic as it sounds, the 50-year-old you know that there is confidence to be had in working hard and having a nest egg — actual currency saved — rather than a box full of toys.

    40% of everything you buy will be gone in a year.

    90% will be gone in four, so the total amount you paid for 100% of your stuff has to be amortized across 10% of it.

    Oh, and this doesn’t even include your cell phone and all the electronic gadgets because our constant need to upgrade makes these rentals more than purchases; we simply don’t keep them long enough.

    #4. That same extended family you avoided when you were in your 20s, is the same one you’ll be helping to keep together in your 50s.

    As the focus comes off of you, it goes on to others. The 20-year-old version of you will come up with every excuse to miss the family reunion. In your 30s you will tolerate these get-togethers. In your 40s you will look forward to them, and in your 50s you will be organizing them.

    That same internalized pride we had in our 20s is spread out once we hit 50. We become less proud of us and more proud of those that contributed to us.

    #5. Being 50 is something to look forward to, not fear.

    The 50-year-old version of you is happy, excited, hard-working and confident, and by the time you hit 50 you are just hitting your stride and looking forward to each day and each challenge. The 50-year-old you has a view of life that is clear and accurate and he knows what’s important and what is not. The 50-year-old you laughs more and worries less.

    And he can’t wait to meet you.

  • REVIEW: Namco Plug-Play TV Games

    REVIEW: Namco Plug-Play TV Games

    namco

    I am not a gamer.

    I don’t own an X-Box or a PlayStation — even though as a father I’ve paid for several of these over the years — and I have probably logged in less than five lifetime hours on Halo or Call of Duty when my kids have asked me to play — I spend most of my time in corners trying to get my character to turn around and sober up.

    But having been a college student in the early 1980’s, I have spent more than my fair share of hours in dark arcades; dumping quarter after quarter of my Guaranteed Student Loan into various Tron, Xevious and Pitfall games — swearing that this will be the last one and then I’d do my laundry and try to locate where the library.

    I have good memories of these days— usually with a group of people thinking we would be eighteen forever and the world was ours — if we ever got out of the arcade and did any real work. Which we would, right after this game.

    One of my favorite arcade games was one called Dig Dug. I’m not really sure why I liked Dig Dug so much or what it really was about; as the object was to guide a man in a space suit underground to either avoid orange creatures with scuba masks and fire-breathing dragons, or destroy them with a bicycle pump — hey, I’m not saying it’s literature I’m just saying it was fun. So when my kids got one of the Plug-N-Play games as a gift a several years ago — have you ever seen these? They are not a counsel but a square box with a few buttons and a joystick that you just plug into the TV and go — I was excited to see that it had Dig Dug on it.

    We played this game for hours and for the first — and only time — I was the Big Kahuna of video games in our house — smoking them at every turn.

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    Then the game broke and the party was over and I went back to my status as game outsider.

    About a month ago I told my wife that I wanted to see if we could find another one of these Plug-N-Play games — for the comradery with my kids of course, I have better things to do — and she found one on e-bay and bought it.

    The unit she bought was by Namco and was called Plug-Play TV Games.

    Now, the great thing about these classic arcade games is that they follow a specific pattern. If you memorize the pattern on Level 1 and react the same way every time, the game will react the same way as well. Every time. So once you mastered that level you would move to level 2 and keep going.

    This game had none of that — which I know exists because the other unit we had reacted as the old game did. Here, each level was random, responding differently every time which meant there was no way to build up skill and move up levels. It was simple luck that may, or may not, allow you to survive. There was absolutely no way to develop any skill in the game.

    Also, the timing was delayed so if you tried to lure an orange guy or a dragon into a corner as you could on the arcade game, this game would simply eat you. But the absolute worse thing about it was in the design of the box itself. The RESET button is on the upper left of the box and is not recessed. So when you gripped the box tightly to fire or move, you often hit the reset button with your hand — usually right in the middle of a game — and the screen would go black and start over.

    I know, I know. It’s just a toy. But there are some of these Plug-N-Play games that react like the old ones did and are pretty fun to play. Not just so you can relive the glory days but because you can get to levels that your wallet wouldn’t allow in the 1980’s — you can go back and remove the limits our finances dictated back then. And we can finally have closure.

    Unfortunately this game is not one of them.