Category: Lifestyle

Father’s Day

When Edwin De Morier accidentally knocked the oil lamp onto the barn floor — this would have been in France in March of 1918 — it took only seconds for the flames to race across the straw and up the dry wooden walls. Within minutes the barn was ablaze.

But during the confusion of battle, the fire was all the British and Americans needed to triangulate and regroup — it also increased morale when the three German soldiers that were hiding in the barn loft jumped out and surrendered.

So could you say that my grandfather was a World War I hero? Umm, sure. Sure you could. And since the war was over nine months later, it’s obvious that Edwin’s contributions were a large part of the victory. A very large part. But it’s more important to note that the barn fire led to Edwin’s one and only nickname: Eddie Elbows.

When Eddie returned home, he went back to his little barber shop in Afton, New York. And after watching Louise Kramer walk past his front window to the hotel she worked at each day, his newfound battlefield bravery allowed him to approach her and say hello — after 17 failed attempts. A courtship eventually followed and a year later Eddie and Louise were married. They moved into the three rooms above the barber shop.

On February 15^th, 1923, Edwin and Louise De Morier gave birth to their first child. A boy named Lawrence, but who would always be known as Larry. My father. Three years later their second child, Lyle, was born.

Life in Afton was happy and carefree with the exception of Eddie’s emphysema, which began to become more and more chronic — leading the shop to be closed more than it was open. And when his clientele began to frequent more reliable barbers, the rare times when he could work Eddie was seeing less and less business. The family income was dwindling.

In 1936, Larry came home with two announcements for his parents. The first was that he had quit school and the second was that he was now an employee of the D&H Railroad. And although Eddie Elbows and Louise weren’t happy about this, the family’s options were slim. So when he was sixteen years old — the same age that my youngest son is now — my father became the sole breadwinner for his parents, his 13-year-old brother, and himself. He’d be working alongside men, repairing rail, laying ties, and loading freight.

When World War II broke out, Larry De Morier was one of the first in the area to receive his draft notice. He reported for duty, went through the physical, and after failing the eye exam miserably, the doctor asked, “Where are you glasses?”

“Glasses? I don’t have any glasses.”

“Well go get glasses ya idiot. Yer blind as a bat.”

Larry was told to see an eye doctor for glasses and wait to be called back for active duty.

The call never came.

I often wonder how my father’s life, and ours, would have been different if he went to war. Would he have come back? Or when he did, would he have been more cautious? Would the events that happened to him later have not occurred or would his training have prepared him to defend himself?

This major turning point, this single event, that changed my father’s life, occurred in July of 1955. Larry had walked his mother to the stands of the Afton Fair where a dog show was being held. He told his mother he would pick her up in an hour when the show was over and he left to explore the fairgrounds.

If Larry had stayed with the crowd, if he had not walked in the alley behind the booths but down the midway or around by the animal displays, his life may not have drastically changed.

But he didn’t. He walked in the dark alleyway between the games and the concessions. And seeing him take this path — and believing that the young man in a jacket and tie was much more prosperous then he really was — two unknown men followed my father down the fairground alley. They surprised him and beat him with a rock, crushing his skull and leaving him unconscious.

They took everything of value that Larry De Morier had, which was four dollars and a tie clip. And when he recovered, they left him with violent seizures that he would experience for the rest of his life.

Now, although the 1950s and 1960s are often remembered through fond nostalgic eyes, there are certain areas that are not as enlightened as you may think. Epilepsy was one of them. This was largely due to the common belief that the disease was a side effect of years of heavy drinking. My father, whose first and only drink was a glass of champagne at his brother’s wedding, was aware of this belief. He also experienced the first-hand fear on the faces of those who looked down to him when coming out of a seizure (on the rare occasions when he felt one coming on and couldn’t slip away quietly).

His obsession for the next forty years would be to hide his epilepsy. He had worked on the assembly line at Borden Chemical for almost twenty years when he took the janitor position there, so he could easily slip away to the janitor’s closet when he felt a seizure coming on. And he even hid it from my mother; they had been married two months before she saw the first seizure.

My father turned down promotions and he declined other job offers because the risk of exposing his illness was too high.

On November 25, 1964, a month before my second birthday, Eddie Elbows died. My father would stop by his mother’s house every day after that to check on her, never missing a single one for the next three years until she died.

Growing up, I didn’t see any of this. I just saw a man that I was embarrassed by. A man who couldn’t throw a ball or shoot a basket, because he was driving railroad spikes at the age when you learned these things. A man who was getting drastically older than the other fathers around him because the medical treatment for epilepsy in those days was a harsh cocktail of side effects (which didn’t stop the seizures from coming; they only made you so stoned that you really didn’t care).

In April of 1976, Larry De Morier’s thirty-year run of luck ran out. Feeling a seizure come on, he was not able to get his janitor’s closet in time and it was witnessed by coworkers. He was forced into disability.

The two areas of pride for a man of that era was his ability to work and his ability to drive. Larry lost both of them on the same day.

The seizures my father would experience always came in threes; if he had one, within a few hours two more would follow.

As a teenager I would latch onto these times when I knew my father was extra short-tempered. I would purposely say or do something to set off the delicate balance of chemicals in his head and he would become angry with me. I enjoyed these times because it was safe — my father was a gentle man and was incapable of harming anyone — and even though we would be nose to nose yelling at each other, he could never touch me. I knew this. We would yell. We would hurl threats at each other. We would say horrible things. But he never touched me.

The next day, the seizures would occur and the day after that, my father — now with the chemicals in his head stable — would be humiliated by the things he said to me. Ashamed. He would try to apologize.

Larry De Morier was a sensitive man, but like many men of those days he was unable to express himself. Fathers didn’t tell sons they loved them back then; that was for hippies and weirdos. My father would try to joke with me, try to get me talking, try to tell me how sorry he was and I — the insecure and cruel kid that I was — never let him. Not one time.

On November 17, 1990, Larry De Morier died. He had six dollars in his wallet — two more than he had on that day in 1955.

Throughout my life I was embarrassed by my father, who didn’t own a pair of blue jeans or sneakers and whose favorite color was polyester. I was embarrassed by how fast he was aging, that he knew nothing of sports or the outdoors. I was embarrassed because he rode an old bicycle instead of driving a car and I feared those times during school plays when the crowd would suddenly start mumbling and moving and I knew that out there in the dark area below the stage, my dad was having a seizure and people were trying to help him to his feet.

Who was I to be embarrassed by such a man? Who was I to look down on anyone who took such good care of all those around him, no matter what? A man who never complained. A man who never called “foul.” A janitor who kept us fed and safe — whose Bible was dog-eared with use, who never had a regret, and who was grateful for everything he had.

In the 24 years since my father died I’ve forgiven myself for the way I treated him. I’ve also realized how truly lucky I was.

Larry De Morier was a much better father than I was a son. He was a gentle, loving, unselfish man. And my goal is to be half as protective and giving a father as he was to me.

So happy Father’s Day, pop.

I now get it.

August 2, 2016
The lost art of eye contact

My son’s best friend practically grew up at our house. He eats here a few times a week. He sleeps over once or twice a month. When we go on trips we usually take him with us and when his parents are looking for him, the first place they check is our family room — where he and my son Nick will be laughing through some interactive battle that requires headsets and game controllers.

Then one day — for about a week — he just stopped showing up.

Nick was still in the family room — talking to unseen people in the world of X-Box Live — but no one else was there.

When my wife asked where Austin was, Nick gave us a confused look, then answered. Home. And it was then that we understood what happened.

Austin had been saving his money and just got his own X-Box. So, now Nick and his friend were spending the same amount of time together — talking on headsets and playing the same interactive games, blowing up the same creatures that exploded party favors out of their heads when killed, only now, his friend was plugged in at his house and Nick was plugged in here.

And the frightening aspect of this was — they were both fine with that.

The key was to be together in the world of Minecraft. They didn’t need to physically be in the same room, just as long as they were both in the game at the same time.

Now, Austin s sixteen and has a girlfriend. She lives in Canada. He lives in Delaware. They e-mail, text and talk during the week. They get each other Christmas presents and birthday presents and have been dating now for over a year. However, they have never met. They discovered each other through — well, I’m not sure what internet introduction — and for the last year they both consider themselves in a serious relationship.

Now the fact that they have never met is not a concern. And when I ask how can you be dating someone you have never physically seen, he smiles and give me that patient, wow, you are so old, look.

The point of all of this is, you and I live in an extremely unique point in technological history. For the first time we can discuss, fight, negotiate, schedule, console, beg, mend and comfort, without actually needing the person we are communicating with to be anywhere near us.

On any given day, we text, phone, e-mail, Facebook, Bluetooth, chat, play interactive games and Tweet more then we directly interface, face-to-face, with other people.

The process is, we interact with a device — a cell phone, a keyboard, an I-pod, a game controller, a Bluetooth headset — and then wait for the person we are corresponding with — someone we cannot see — to interact with their device and reply back. The gadgets we are using are near us. The people we are transmitting to are removed.

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Now, before you roll your eyes and think that this is a rant against technology, it’s not. It’s simply demonstrating two things. The first is that we are now becoming extremely comfortable in communicating without human contact. Through a device. And secondly, that given the choice many of us will often choose to communicate in this fashion.

Now, my son’s best friend is a smart and good looking kid — tall, blonde, on the school swimming team — and is content with a girlfriend a thousand miles away that he can date through a keyboard or a cell phone, rather than one that he has actually met.

Here is another example.

You are in a restaurant and see a group of people sitting at a table together — and this is not necessarily always a younger group, I’ve seen people of all ages do this — and at least one of these people are speaking into a cell phone to someone that is not at the table. And we’re not talking about a quick five or ten second conversation, where there is crucial information that needs to be passed on. I’ve seen — and heard — thirty minute casual cell phone conversations between people, during dinner, while these same people are sitting and eating at a table with different people.

Which means that these individuals had a choice. They could talk directly to those sitting in front of them, face-to-face, or they could use a device to communicate with someone removed.

You see this on a massive scale at any airport in the country. Here you will see thousands of people all plugged into cell phone conversations, completely oblivious to the other people that are inches away from them, who are also plugged into other conversations.

So maybe they’re busy? Maybe these are busy business people closing crucial and important deals.

Maybe.

But it’s not hard to listen to samplings of most of these calls — many people on cell phones don’t realize that sound travels — and they are in the large part mundane and simply chatty. Actually, most of the times these calls simply seem to be a way to kill time.

And even though the content of the calls are usually non-critical, the need to stay connected to another individual is extremely great. The first time I was in a busy airport men’s room and saw a man continue his cell phone conversation as he stepped into a bathroom stall — or better yet, take the call while he was already in there — I was amazed. Now it’s so common that I don’t even notice.

And a month ago, at the gym, there was a man who had stepped into the shower and hung his shorts — with his cell phone in the pocket — on the hook outside the shower curtain. His phone rang and he reached his wet hand out to get his phone — and took the call while in the shower.

So, what’s the point of all of this?

It’s simply this. We are so accustomed to — and the need is so great to— communicate with people without seeing them that we no longer see them.

The ancillary people — the toll both operator, the cashier, the waitress — simply become white noise. A disjointed voice — and we are now very accustomed to talking to disjointed voices. We say hello, we say thank you and we leave and we rarely — and I mean rarely — make eye contact.

Up until recently if you entered a crowded room of strangers, that room, those strangers, became your world. Until you left that room, those people are now connected to you simply because you are sharing the same space, the same situation and the same time.

No more.

Now we can be in the same room but be texting someone else, making a phone call or sending an e-mail from our phone. We are no longer in the same room as the person a few feet from us because we are now connected to someplace else and therefore disconnected from the people next to us. The physical space we occupy is no longer important.

I think this is one of the main reasons that we no longer talk to the people sitting next to us on airplanes. We used to. We would introduce ourselves, give a brief bio and then chat for the next few hours. Now we avoid saying anything to the person sitting next to us and in fact try to avoid having anyone sit next to us at all. We linger to the end of the boarding line so we can get inside the plane after everyone and see if there are unsold seats where we can spread out and sit alone.

So wait, all of this has to do with eye contact?

Yes.

Because for men, eye contact is a tricky area anyway and now — due to the change in technological culture — it is becoming even more complex. As men, we use eye contact to seduce as well as to intimidate. We use it to calm and to ignite. The wrong look at the wrong time can lead to battle. The right look at the right time can lead to love.

For men, eye contact is a tool. A weapon. And instead of learning to use that weapon properly we are allowing it to get dull and acquire rust.

Those people around us every day — the waitress, the store greeter, the bank teller — are people. They are not screen savers or extras in a film. We are missing something by not connecting to them — even for a second — by making eye contact. And they are missing something by not taking that second to connect to us.

August 1, 2016
REVIEW: Texas Roadhouse Restaurant

In 1993, a man named Kent Taylor opened a restaurant named Texas Roadhouse in Clarksville, Indiana. His idea was to merge a steakhouse with a barbecue joint and create a family place that you could relax in, have a good meal, and throw your peanut shells on the floor. Since then, 400 other Texas Roadhouse locations have popped up and the number is still expanding.

As you walk into a Texas Roadhouse, you’ll be surrounded by the standard window dressing for a steakhouse/barbecue joint: rough wooden beams, barrels of peanuts, roadhouse signs on the wall, and a general fun and warm feel. You’ll be shown to your table, brought free peanuts and baskets of rolls with sweet butter, and given a menu.

Now, having had some amazing barbecue in my life, it’s difficult to judge a franchise on the same level as some of these hole-in-the-wall greats.

(My all-time favorite by the way? A little beauty in Bluff City, Tennessee called The Original Ridgewood Barbecue, where the walls are bare, the waitresses are rude and the food is the best you will ever have — this place has their smoker locked in a separate building so no one can copy their design.)

The bad news with barbecue franchises is that there is a flatness that’s bound to occur when you try to mass produce a road food like barbecue. The chains — Famous Dave’s, Smokey Bones, Rod Hot and Blue — can never play in that space that the great independent barbecue joints do. And in fairness, Texas Roadhouse is a steakhouse as well, so they need to be judged in both arenas.

With that said, the food at Texas Roadhouse is pretty good. Steaks are savory, sides are flavorful, rolls are soft, (even though they’re a little on the sweet side for me) and the barbecue is both moist and tangy. It’s probably about as good as a franchise can get to, with prices that are fair.

But there is no sense in wasting time on a review of a chain restaurant unless there is something to be said that hasn’t been said already. And there is.

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If you go to any Texas Roadhouse, anywhere, and you sit at the bar, you will notice something very interesting. First of all, the bartender — usually a woman — will shake your hand, and ask your name. Then, the bartender — no matter how busy — will begin to talk to you. She’ll ask questions. She’ll add insight. She’ll respond, and before you know it you will be in a real conversation with a real person. It’s not forced, it’s not phony, it’s just a natural give and take.

Now the evidence that the customers are responding to this is to look around the Texas Roadhouse bar while you’re sitting there. Do this and you’ll notice that many of the people there are not drinking alcohol. They’re drinking ice tea, coffee, water, or soda, while they eat. And if you go to a Texas Roadhouse the same time a few nights in a row, you will see the regulars come in for dinner, be greeted warmly by their friend behind the bar — often with a hug — and sit down for a nice meal.

Texas Roadhouse hires very specific people behind their bar with extremely specific skill sets with an agenda to be naturally but quickly engaging with the guests. Sound sinister? It’s not. Probably every bar in the country strives for this, but Texas Roadhouse gets it. At every franchise.

My proof? Well, it’s not very scientific, but once I noticed this trend I wanted to verify it. And since I travel a great deal I will often seek out a Texas Roadhouse for dinner or lunch and sit at the bar to eat. I can contest that this phenomenon exists at every franchise I’ve been to — which is probably a few dozen — across seven states. Every one of them. Bartenders are more friendly, more engaging, and are generally more interested in what you have to say at Texas Roadhouse than any other place I’ve seen.

So the question is how to build such an entity into the process? How do you find the specific people that not only have this ability to draw out strangers but actually want to, and connect with them? And once you find that person, how do you find enough of them for all your locations?

I have no idea. But they do. I’ve seen it.

Now, in researching the official stand on this trend, I can find no documentation that Texas Roadhouse acknowledges or promotes it — so if I am blowing a corporate trade secret, I apologize. But in order for it to exist in such a mass way, it would have to be something built in, expected, and designed. It would need to come from the top down.

So if you’re going to a Texas Roadhouse with someone, get a table and enjoy each other’s company over some good food. But if you’re going alone, sit at the bar, have a beer or an iced tea, and spend a relaxing hour over a pleasant meal with some nice conversation.

August 1, 2016
The midlife review

It has been fifty years,

Well, no — that’s not true.

Once you carry the seven,

It’s been fifty-two.

And in fifty-two years,

No vast rise, or succumb.

Slower than many,

But brighter than some.

_____

So now, halfway through,

Time, the older man’s chore.

To weigh and assess,

All I need answer for.

Not a trial, inquisition,

Or a stern talking to.

But a chance to appraise,

It’s my midlife review.

_____

So I found a nice tie,

A clean shirt and a coat.

And I drove to the place,

Spelled out there on the note.

To a part of the city,

Not been to before.

I walked to the building,

And right through the door.

_____

Once inside the office,

I strode down the aisle.

Where a man at a desk,

Sat there reading my file.

He stood and bowed, hi,

Rolled to me, a chair.

Walls the photos of all,

Those before me, hung there.

_____

Then he spoke with a smile,

Well, I’ve good news to tell.

On your choice of a spouse,

You did quite very well.

She is loving, supportive,

And in church, volunteers.

Did not kill you, not once

In all twenty-three years.

_____

Then stirring through papers,

To find the right page.

On your kids, here again,

Mostly high marks to gauge.

Sons are happy and strong,

Tender hearts they have grown.

Both to soon make their marks,

They can think on their own.

_____

But now, that part over,

Smile fading from face.

He shuffled the papers,

Let’s back to your case.

In the asset department,

You must surely know.

That your financial levels,

Are shockingly low.

_____

I smirked and replied,

Mine, more lofty pursuit.

Don’t you know that with evil,

It’s money at root?

As you see, it’s my family,

The center for me.

Not the stocking of wealth,

Here in this life, agree?

_____

Then he took off his glasses,

He then rubbed his nose.

I think there confusion,

We should here dispose.

See, the standard for this life,

Not to wealth be driven.

But be the good stewards,

Of all we’ve been given.

_____

And I see by these files,

That you’ve wasted a lot.

Some, they make more of,

But time — they do not.

So the question remains,

Although here not bereft.

Now what will you do,

With the twenty years left?

_____

Just twenty? I mocked,

That seems a bit lean.

Well, he said, rounding,

It’s more like eight-teen.

You will die on a Wednesday,

The fifteenth of May.

Which is eight-teen years,

One month, from today.

_____

What? I said, shocked,

As I let this sink in.

I know, this news hard,

But we must now begin.

You need to make plans,

To ponder in thought.

So what will you do,

With the years you still got?

_____

And I sat in that chair,

With my heart in a twist.

‘till I finally did speak,

Well, I do have a list.

But before I could finish,

He stopped me there, true.

This gift you’ve received,

It’s not about you.

_____

You’ve been handed this grant,

Not to ski down a slope.

Not to climb up a mountain,

Or zip down a rope.

You came into this world,

With nothing you own.

And all that you have,

Is simply on loan.

_____

And soon on a day,

Eight-teen years from now.

You will stand before Him,

To answer your vow.

And when that linking,

From this world is free.

What for the kingdom

Did you do for me?

_____

He handed me pamphlets,

And wished me good luck.

And I dazedly shuffled,

Right back to my truck.

And I sat there inside.

Letting set that review.

So little time,

And so much to do.

July 31, 2016
The 10 films that every man needs to see before he dies

There are great films and then there are great guy films — and I’m not referring to movies that have that all important catch phrase or the chase scene of the Corvette down the escalator that you will be a social misfit for having not seen. But great films — movies that make us think and feel while remaining a pure guy film.

10. THE LONGEST YARD. (1974).

Of course I am not referring to the 1974 Burt Reynolds film not the Adam Sandler version — which I’ve never seen. The Longest Yard is just a great all around guy film and although the plot seems a little thin — NFL quarterback goes to prison and is forced to lead the ‘cons vs guards’ football game — the movie has intensity, excitement, humor and is one of those films that gets under your skin and stays there. In Burt Reynolds long career he has only made two great films — Boogie Nights and The Longest Yard.

9. SLING BLADE. (1996).

Although there are moments of acting and dialogue in Sling Blade that still make my cringe, the characters are so strong that you really don’t care — in fact the first ten minutes of Sling Blade are probably the best dialogue ever written for film. A great guy movie.

8. ARMAGEDDON. (1998).

Okay, hear me out on this one. Armageddon is not only a great action film but is practically a blue collar opera. The idea of the world being saved by finding the best deep core drillers, is right up there with needing to find the best dry-wallers or small engine repair guys. The writing is solid, the story is strong and the acting top notch. A great movie.

7. THE FULL MONTY. (1997).

If you had asked me if I wanted to see a film about a group of down on their luck blue-collar English guys who decide to become exotic dancers to pay their bills, I would not have rushed to the ticket counter. But The Full Monty is one of the greatest guy films ever made. There is not a character in the film that you don’t care about and the movie is emotional, real and powerful. You’ve got to see this one.

6. SEVEN SAMURAI. (1954).

Although I’m not a big fan of subtitles, you need to see the subtitled version of Seven Samurai to appreciate this film. Seven Samuria is a story of 1587 Japan when the feudal system is fading and the once and powerful Samurai are now unemployed. Seven of these men join forces to protect a town against marauders because, well, they have nothing else to do and in effect create a great friendship. This is an amazing film and was the basis of John Sturges; The Magnificent Seven. You’ve got to see it.

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5. THE STING. (1973).

The Sting is the con artist move to which all other con films are judged. It’s a great film and a great story and keep you guessing all the way to the very end — when you’re still not exactly sure the ride is over. This is one of the top ten American Films of all time.

4. RAIN MAN. (1988).

Although I am not a big Tom Cruise fan, Rain Man is one of the greatest films ever made; a true road film that documents the relationship of a twenty-something, self involved man and his estranged older brother — it also is an interesting example of what the motion picture industry thinks of men as this film was almost not made because the producers didn’t believe men would watch any film without a chase scene.

3. THE GODFATHER. (1972).

Although Goodfella’s is an amazing film, The Godfather still remains the big daddy of mob films — and of motion pictures in general. It’s an epic story of the rise of an Italian Mafia family. An incredible movie that has influenced American culture and for those thirty or so men in the US who have never seen the Godfather – go see it.

2. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST. (1975).

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is not only Jack Nicholson at his very best, but it’s also one of those rare occasions where a film is actually better than the book. This movie launched many careers and is an incredibly powerful story that doesn’t stop until the credits roll. You only need to see this film once and you will remember every second of it.

1. SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. (1998).

Not only is Saving Private Ryan the greatest World War II film ever made, it is also one of the greatest American film’s ever made — one of the reasons I stopped watching the Oscar’s was when Shakespeare in Love beat this film out for best picture. Are you kidding me?

If you have never seen Saving Private Ryan, stop what you’re doing and see it right now.

July 30, 2016
The book

I have been conducting a social experiment lately that has me a little — well, confused. And it’s not just because I don’t have a conclusion yet — I’m not even close — but because I most likely will not. It’s highly doubtful that I’ll figure this one out and because of that I won’t know is this is a positive or negative trend.

I think it’s a bad thing. But I’m not sure.

See, I have a book coming out this month. Meaning, that I have written a book, submitted it to a publisher. The publisher liked the book, bought the rights to it, financed its editing, layout, marketing and distribution. And when it is released for purchase, I will receive from the publisher, royalties for the books sold.

Now I’m stating all of this because this book process is the center of the experiment.

And before I start, it’s important to note that none of what I’m about to tell you has anything to do with vanity or ego. Not at all. As my oldest son states, I am, “selfless to the point of being annoying.” Self-promotion makes me extremely uncomfortable and I don’t like to do it. But for the sake of this analysis, I have broken the rules a bit.

So here is the experiment.

I will be in a social situation with someone I haven’t seen for a while — the lady who cuts my hair, a neighbor, a friend from church — and if they ask one specific phrase; so, what’s new with you? — only if they ask this phrase, will I respond in this manner.

“Well, I have a book coming out next month.”

Now, here is the question. What is the most common response to that statement?

Are these people excited? Curious? Angry, disbelieving, bored, proud, skeptical?

No. The answer is, they are — . Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I don’t mean they are not impressed — I don’t want them to be — or that they are uninterested or aloof. I mean they are — nothing. No response either way. When I make the statement that I have a book being published that will be released next month, the response doesn’t exist. It is one hundred percent, neutral. A pH of 7. Zip.

“Oh. Nice. Say did you know Marty moved? I saw him about a month ago and —.”

Now why this is interesting? Well, because I cannot think of anything —- and I mean anything at all — that would generate a completely neutral response. Nothing.

Don’t believe me? Try it.

Question. So what’s new with you?

Answer: I bought a new gas grill. I broke my finger. I just got over the cold. I changed jobs. I painted my basement. I forgot my lunch today. I just began a blog. I cleaned my garage.

Every single one of those responses will get — something — back. Maybe a little something. But a something. There is none of those answers that will ever, ever generate something completely neutral.

But say that you have a book coming out and —. Invisibility.

It’s absolutely fascinating. Because if I noticed that every time I mentioned — let’s say, apples, or Cuba, or teeter-totters, and I received the non-response, my curiosity would peak — wow, what do people have against teeter-totters? So I have begun to dig a little deeper and have developed two possible theories on this.

Theory #1. People just don’t care about books.

Evidence: Nope. We don’t care about a lot of things — especially that we forgot our lunch or that we painted the garage and yet it will initiate a polite sentence or two in conversation. We can easily not care about something and not be neutral. We do it all the time.

Theory #2. People don’t know what that means; have a book coming out.

Evidence: Now this is possible. But we’ll need to dig a little deeper.

See, each year 60,000 new books are published. Meaning that these publishers purchase these manuscripts from the authors and go into partnership with them. They finance, market, edit, produce and are financially tied to the success of these books with the authors.

On top of that, each year 500,000 additional books are self-published. Meaning the author acts as the publisher and pays for the printing, editing, distribution, cover design, everything. In effect, they have their work printed and it’s their job to get it read— and with e-books this is even easier than actual printing since you just have the book electronically formatted. In reality, you can have an e-book self-published over a weekend.

So for every new published book, there are ten new self-published books.

Now, is this a bad thing?

No, I don’t think self-publishing is a bad thing. But I do think the self-publishing explosion is a bad thing.

Only a few years ago if you wanted to self-publish, you had to contact a vanity press, pay them a few thousand dollars, create a plan, and have them print your books. You had to make a financial and legal commitment. You had some skin in the game; it was a business venture. Something you planned out. Now, for a few dollars you can have an e-book created in an hour.

If you go on Amazon you will see an ocean of self-published books — just bring up a book, look at the line for Publisher, and you’ll see Amazon Digital Services, Smashwords, Kindle, Kobo, Nook or any one of the thousands of self-publishing companies out there — some self published authors will use their name as publisher. Now, the majority of these books are actual books; meaning they are book length works, they have an ISBN#, a cover design and follow a format. But then there are the others. Books that are 20 pages long, 15 pages even, just a few words cobbled together so the author can say they have written a book. And because there are no regulations for self-publishing, nor minimum standards, there are self-publishing books that run the gamut from too painful to read, to extremely well done.

But how do you tell? Ahh, great question. And since we’re on the subject, let’s talk about Amazon book reviews — because that’s how you tell if a book is good or not, right?

Well, here is a fun fact. Look at all the self-published books — and this happens for traditionally published books as well — and look at the Amazon reviews for that book. Here is a rule of thumb. For all the books that have only a 5 and 4 rankings — meaning that these books have only received the very highest reviews of excellent and good, without a single bad review. It’s pretty safe to say that these are — fake reviews.

Yup, if no one has trashed your book, no one is reading your book.

Have you seen 10 people agree on anything? Anything at all? No. Yet there are books out there that have 50, 100, 200 people reviewing their books with only the absolute highest praises and not a single person that did not like it.

In the industry this is called, sock-puppeting, or writing anonymous online reviews praising one’s own work — or getting others to praise it for you by simply asking your family and friends to help load up positive reviews. And with the enormous growth of self-publishing or ‘Indie” publishing (the same thing as self-publishing but the more popular term), there are many social network groups that work together to add positive reviews to each other’s works. And some of these groups have thousands of members.

There are also companies you can pay that will add as many positive reviews to your Amazon profile as you want to pay them for; thus lifting up your Amazon rank — and this is not just for books, these companies will add positive reviews to your product, hotel, restaurant or service — http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/20/technology/finding-fake-reviews-online.html

Just for fun, look at the stats. Go to Amazon and bring up some classic books — Gone with the wind, Catcher in the Rye, To kill a mockingbird, and look at the Amazon reviews. You will see that there are people out there that didn’t like those books. Why? Because people are actually reading those books and not everyone is going to like them. Now, go to a high ranking self-published book and you will see they actually have a higher ranking than Animal Farm or On the road.

So what does all of this mean?

Well, I’m not sure. But I think it’s probably the same trend we now see in music. Only a few years ago if someone said they had an album coming out, or a CD, we knew what that meant. It meant that they had reached an agreement with a recording studio to record, finance and distribute their music.

Now, having a CD coming out can mean anything from the traditional studio agreement, to paying a small studio to record you onto a CD, to stamping out a few in your basement. The term itself no longer has a meaning.

Or at best, it’s confusing.

See, if you ask someone, so what’s new? And they respond that they, just ran a marathon. That’s very clear. Whether they came in first place or last, they ran 26.2 miles. You know what they did.

But as technology expands, the rules of accomplishment are becoming, at best, blurred. And at worse, available for sale.

The bar isn’t being lowered; it’s being taken down in some cases.

It’s all becoming neutral.

July 30, 2016
How to plan a family reunion
When it comes to how men view family gatherings — specifically, how men view extended family gatherings — there are three common stages that we pass through.

First, we have the carefree days of youth; stage one. This stage runs from birth to sometime in our teenaged years. This is when we are excited to be part of this distinctive, kinetic family group and we look forward to each and every time all the aunts and cousins gather. These are the times when the best possible place to be, is right next to Uncle Don when he tells the boomerang story, or be at bat just before Amy; because she has a wicked cleanup swing. This is the time period when all your grandfather’s jokes are hysterical and all your aunts are beautiful. And the absolute saddest part of the day, the only bleak aspect, is when the cars begin to pull out of the driveway. And when all the cousins are gone.

Then we move to stage two. These are the dark days and run from our teenaged years to sometime in our late twenties to early thirties. These are the thin skinned, chip on our shoulder, lots to prove and little show for it, angry days. When we grit our teeth every time Uncle Mike asks us how long we’re going to keep this job. This is when Vick and the other cousins smirk when we talk about our multi-level marketing plans — right before they ask how long it’s been since Jennifer dumped us. And even though she didn’t dump us, it was mutual, we watch the clock and cannot wait for everyone to leave — so we can catch our dad alone and discretely ask if he can help with part of this month’s rent.

Then comes the third and final stage. The best stage. The last stage. Stage three. This occurs from your late thirties on until you die. This is when we show up for family gatherings in that twelve year old car — and are actually proud of it because it runs and is paid for. This is when your uncle challenges you to an arm wrestling match and you let him win. This is the time when you want to listen to the stories so much more than you want to tell any. These are the days when humility and pride both exist together and where you bounce your child on your leg and give a secret look to your cousins as your nephew describes how he’s going to make an absolute killing in real estate. These are the days you’ll enjoy the most and these are the times when you will work the hardest to keep the extended family together.

Which means continuing, or beginning, those family reunions.

HOW TO PLAN A FAMILY REUNION

It’s a good idea to plan a reunion four to six months out — this gets the event on everyone’s calendar and locks everything in. It also gives you half a year to organize everything and work it.

6 Months Before
- Choose a date — check with folks that are traveling the longest distance and make sure it fits their schedules as they are making the biggest sacrifice.
- Choose a length of time — is this over a Saturday afternoon or an entire weekend?
- Choose a general location.
- If over 50 people, create a reunion committee — determine person in charge of finance, food, entertainment, clean up, lodging, etc.
4 Months Before
- Lock in your location — if it’s a park or outdoor event, reserve the pavilion or fields if needed. If it’s inside, give the deposit needed or reserve the spot, etc.
- Plan the menu — create the food assigning dishes and other food items to each family. Arranging for extra cooking and/or grilling facilities. Or finding a caterer.
- Create a schedule — determine activities and entertainment, is there going to be a family softball game or contests. When do you want to schedule this?
- Build in family history portion — start doing some research on the family tree or a huge white board/chalkboard is great for everyone to build a family tree together.
- Photography and/or video — with everyone carrying cameras on their phones, hiring a photographer or videographer may not be necessary, but what will be is to find a place to store all those images and video. Create a reunion Facebook page or website where everyone can dump all the pictures taken — you can use this in the organization end as well to post updates and schedule.
- Marketing — are you going to create postcards for the event or design t-shirts? Now is the time to plan those.
3 Months Before
- Finance — if large, determine cost per person.
- Send out invitations — include times, locations, schedule, maps and costs or side dishes that need to be brought.
- Committee sign ups — depending on the size there will be needs in each area. This is the time to get people to sign up for; set up teams, cooking committees, entertainment teams, etc.
- Reserve items — do you need to rent a tent, chairs, portable grill? This is the time to reserve all of that stuff.
2 Months Before
- Create a stocking location — you’ll need a place to begin to store things.
- Make nonperishable purchases — order the cups, table cloths, condiments, craft items, decorations, etc.
- Send out e-mail or social network posts to keep the momentum going and stay on everyone’s thoughts
- Arrange/place deposits on large food items — will you need 200 pounds of burgers? Now is the time to arrange this and to shop around for the best price.
1 Month Before
- Confirm, confirm, confirm — with family on food items, with reservations and with lodging.
2 Weeks Before
- Contact restaurants with a final guest count if necessary.
- Contact volunteers with specific tasks to confirm times, locations, and the final guest count.
- Review your final to-do list.
- Buy last-minute decorations and supplies.
- Create signs and banners.
2 Days Before
- Review reunion minutiae with committees.
- Pick up any rental equipment — chairs, tables, grills, etc.
- Prepare final payments and tips
The Day Before
- Set up and decorate.
- Sleep.
July 27, 2016
The power of the bagged lunch

In the early 1800’s, almost 70% of all American families lived on farms. Most of these were subsistence farms — a few cows, pigs, chickens on some land where corn, wheat and potatoes were planted — and these farms were the family’s main source of food and clothing. So, the farmer would rise early and feed his livestock, repair fences, outbuildings, fix machinery, gather eggs and in the middle of the day, when he would need some food and a short break, he would walk back to his house to visit with his wife and children and eat a small meal. And for hundreds of years the term lunch would simply mean that; to take a break from your work and go home to eat.

As the effect of The Industrial Revolution spread, factories and mills needed more and more workers. Now the small farmer had the opportunity to not only care for his land but to travel to town for day work in order to bring additional income into the household. And because it would not be practical for the farmer to return home for lunch — and because he would need to leave early in the morning and not return until late that night — he would have to take food with him.

So the farmer would put hard-boiled eggs, biscuits, vegetables and meat into a container —often a small basket with a handles — and head out in the morning. He would often meet up with other men who were carrying similar baskets as well as those with meals wrapped in handkerchiefs or placed in metal tins. In fact, workers in more extreme environments — such as coal mines and steel mills — needed something to transport their lunch in that would protect it, so they often used small covered milk pails.

By the 1850’s manufacturers saw this growing consumer need and began to mass produce fitted metal buckets and boxes specifically designed to carry lunches in. They were called lunch pails even though the trend was leaning more towards the box style. They sold well and the need increased.

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In 1904 The Thermos, was introduced as an option to the commercial lunch pail and now a worker could have a cold lunch with a hot drink. And when schools began to regionalize — and the one room school migrating to the larger multi grade school — children were now unable to come home for lunch and also needed to take food with them. And many children who wanted to mimic their fathers, sought out metal pails or buckets to take their lunches in.

In 1935, the first children’s lunch box with a licensed character was produced and the image of Mickey Mouse was lithographed over an oval tin with a handle. And in 1950 the first TV character made the cut, with Hopalong Cassidy being the choice, which was a lunchbox that cost two dollars and sold half a million units in the first year alone.

For decades the metal lunchbox was the symbol of the workforce and the character lunchbox was the symbol of childhood — with millions of men carrying their lunches to work and millions of school children carrying theirs in boxes decorated with their favorite TV shows, bands and sports figures.

But when a child moved from Elementary School to High School the lunch box was often abandoned. In that socially sensitive environment, the need to quickly distance ourselves from childish things became powerful and the brown paper bag became a safer containment choice — as well as the ability to now purchase a hot lunch from a school cafeteria.

Today, the average American purchases his lunch rather than brings it. He spends an average of ten dollars on each trip and the majority of those meals are bought at fast food restaurants. We eat in our car. We eat on the run. And we eat whatever is quickly made and cheaply provided and whether it’s the memories of soggy bologna sandwiches or the still need to distance ourselves from childish things, few of us bring a lunch to work — or if we do it’s a quickly prepared sandwich that we eat at our desk.

But the bagged lunch as an entity, as a creative endeavor, is an amazing thing. It is healthier, far less expensive (we spend almost $1,000 a year on fast food lunches ) and give us this versatile control over our day. It’s a very neat thing.

So the first step is to get yourself a lunch box — and I mean one that fits your needs as well as your lifestyle. A brown paper bag is only temporary but choosing a container to bring your lunch in shows a commitment to seeing it through.

So here are some quick options for lunch ideas.

1. Leftovers. This is an easy and simple. Simply take some of that lasagna from last night or some of that leftover casserole and bring it to work in a Tupperware container. Provided you have access to a microwave, this works well.

2. Soup. There is nothing like a cup of hot soup with a biscuit or some bread in the middle of the day. And the great thing here is you can be working in the middle of the woods and still bring hot soup in a thermos. The only requirement here is, make a pot of homemade soup — very easy to make, tastes better, healthier and much less expensive than canned soup — http://543skills.com/skill-194-how-to-make-homemade-soup/

3. Wraps. Only because sandwiches are so overplayed — and because most store bought bread is pretty tasteless — wraps are a good alternative. You can make a wrap with cold cuts, or a with beans and cheese for a tortilla. They are smaller, can be made quicker and are easier to eat on the run.

And the last option is this amazingly simple thing called a Mason Jar Salad. This is so incredibly simplistic that it’s absolutely brilliant.

So, what you do is take a Mason Jar and in the bottom you put in your wet ingredients; your salad dressing. Then you add in the solid vegetables — anything that won’t get soggy if they touch the dressing — tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, celery, peppers, etc. Then you add your softer items; your pasta, mushrooms, avocado. On top of that you put your protein; your chicken, turkey, beans and then the lettuce and on top goes your cheese and any nuts.

So what you have is this self-contained salad that is separated, fresh and can remain that way for days. In fact many people make these up a week at a time and use them days later. It remains in the jar until you need it then you pour it into a bowl where all the ingredients mix. Genius.

So get creative, get a lunch box and get to work.

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2014/07/mason-jar-salad-inspiration.html

July 27, 2016
The New Year’s resolution hack
It’s a pretty well known fact in the health club and fitness Industry that the best time of year — their season — is January. No doubt about it. This is when health clubs, gyms, personal trainers; diet supplement companies and home gym equipment manufacturers, all see the bulk of their business for the entire year. It’s their market. It’s New Year’s resolution time.

And these same health club and fitness professionals will also tell you that the busiest time of that month is the second week of January; when they will see the largest single week of the year. And after that — things begin to taper down. Each week. Until the second week of February when the season is officially over.

Now at the end of that four week period, 80% of the people who have bought their Super Stepper 9,000 or joined a gym, have stopped. Over the next two months — until the second week of April — an additional 12% will stop as well. Leaving 8%. Which is the average percentage rate of people who reach their New Year’s resolutions.

8%.

Now as far as health clubs and gyms go, they love this trend — they will never tell you this, but their accountants will. Because what is a better customer than one who pays for an entire year and then doesn’t use up valuable is resources or equipment. And — here is the best part — those same people will be back again next January convinced that this year things are going to be different. And they’ll sign up again.

Now fitness is only one of the goals we set at the beginning of the year — financial is another big area, career, artistic goals of music or of finally sitting down and writing that book, there are many.

So why do New Year’s resolutions fail? Well, there are many reasons. Here are a few …
1. Because they are fueled by motivation only — motivation is short lived and usually lasts only about a month by itself.
2. Because we set unrealistic goals.
3. Because we need the goal to fix something in our life; to make it all better.
4. Because we don’t have a plan, we just have an end result.
5. Because we are now in panic time. It’s not important that it took us 3 years to put on that extra 60 pounds, it must be off by summer!
Yup. All of these are true. But there are two other reasons — the two real reasons — why most New Year’s resolutions fail. And if you address these two other areas, your odds go up substantially. In fact, you will double your chance of success if you only focus on these two areas.

Ready? Here they are.

The real two real reasons why 92% of all New Year’s resolutions fails — are this.
1. Because we get something out of where we are now. If we are overeating, overspending, drinking too much, out of work or have our finances way overextended, we get something out of that. Either a pleasure or an escape and until we identify what that is — really spend time with it — then it will continue to run silently in the background; quietly and under the surface, and will derail any minor motivation fueled trend we are running on the top.
Because if we never turn the program off. Identify it and replace it with something else. Then that beacon — that we ourselves put into motion — is enough to make us one of the 80%. If we don’t turn it off an replace it, motivation alone will not break through it. We are wishing to go north but we are steering south.

And the second reason is this …
1. Because we think we need to fight. That there is something inside of us that wants us to fail and we need to fight, it, Defeat it. Instead of realizing that it is a program that we put there, to protect and help us — http://543skills.com/skill-529-the-truth-about-self-discipline/
So here is the single thing you can do — the very best action — to drastically increase your chance of reaching your New Year’s resolution.

Ready?

Here it is.

The best way to achieve your New Year’s resolution is —-.

Don’t set one.

At least not right away. Instead, spend this month — four solid weeks — in getting to know yourself and getting to know how you got to where you are now.

Oh and cop-out answers don’t count here. Answers like, I took my eye off the ball or I wasn’t motivated enough to change — are bull. You get something out of overeating or avoiding those work projects. You told yourself to keep you safe or keep you protected. You get something from it otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it.

What do you get?

So, spend a solid month in getting to know what that is. Now, I now, but the gym, the office, the life you are going to organize, it will be there waiting for you. Consider this month basic training, getting you ready for it.

And here are the two best ways to do that. Here are two ways to get into that programming and see what that code really is.
1. Write. Just start writing, every day, in a journal of everything you think and feel. Start to write about why you want to change and how you got to where you are. Keep digging and digging for a solid month.
And …
1. Go into the silence. Now this one will take a little getting used to but it is amazing the results. What it is is take an hour — yeah, it seems like a long time but it’s worth it — where you are completely unplugged. Step into a a quiet room, your parked car, the woods, whatever. Turn your phone off and just sit — motionless, don’t move — for one hour.
The first twenty minutes of this will be hell. Then calm will come over you. And then — things will begin to click. Doors will open and you will begin to think pure thoughts. Pure code. You will see clearly.

Do this — do all of this. And when your four weeks are up, then set your goals. And you’ll not only be one of the 8% but you’ll get there easier and you’ll get more joy out of it because you’ll be in sync with what you really want.
July 26, 2016
9 older products that are better than their newer versions.

As the great Billy Joel said, the good old days weren’t always good and tomorrow’s not as bad as it seems.

In 1955, 38,000 people in the country had polio — now there are less than 300 cases in the entire world. In 1960, 30% of Americans lived under the poverty line and that number is now below 10%. And in 1950, almost half of all American homes didn’t have a telephone. Today there are roughly six internet connected devices per household.

So yes, we’ve come a long way. But still, there are some areas, some products and services, that have suffered from the modern march of advancement. Which means that there are a certain number of areas where the older versions are much better than the new ones.

9. FANS

The vintage fans of the 1940’s and 50’s were amazing. They had metal blades, huge motors, moved air around like a jet engines and lasted forever. Modern versions are basically disposable with tiny motors, plastic cages and thin plastic blades.

8. SILLY PUTTY

The old Silly Putty was this amazing stuff that bounced, floated, stretched and held any image that you put it to. It fit back in its egg shaped container and unless it got covered in gunk from the floor, could be used for months. The newer version is less pliable, doesn’t bounce and worse yet, does not pick up any image that you press against it. And is this strange purple color now.

7. FISHING REELS

In the 1980’s many spinning reel manufacturers went through a process to remove cost from their products. Metal housing and gears were replaced with plastic ones and mechanisms were simplified and redesigned. The result of this was a reel of far less quality. In fact, in 1994 I gave my brother-in-law my old Mitchell 300 reel when I got my new Mitchell. He still uses my old one and I’ve been through four replacement reels since.

6. CROCK POTS

About five years ago, the great crockpot cartel got together and decided — for whatever reason — to increase the low cooking temperature on new crockpots. I have no idea why, but the result is a crockpot that cooks higher. So now slow cookers, cook faster. And if you’re not careful it is so much easier to overcook meat in a new crockpot than it was in an old one.



5. LINCOLN LOGS

Lincoln logs are great. They were these logs that were etched out at the end so you could build cabins, forts and outbuildings. And of course because they were logs they were made of wood. New ones are not. They are made of — plastic. How can you have a plastic log cabin?

4. UMBRELLAS

And umbrella was once a well-crafted, solid, piece of adornment. It had a thick wooden handle, solid metal bracings and heavy canvas to protect you from the rain — in fact umbrellas were coveted by thieves because there was always a market for them. Modern equivalents are made to be replaceable and disposable and in fact you can buy umbrellas from The Dollar Tree.



3. PAPER ROLL CAPS

Cap guns came out in the 1950’s and were these guns that shot paper caps that exploded and smoked like real guns. The caps hid large dimples filled with black powder that created this exciting bang. Modern equivalents are completely flat and contain very little powder and make a soft pop — about as load as bubble wrap popping.

2. CRACKER JACK PRIZES

The prizes in Cracker Jacks used to be amazing — small pinball games, cars, charms, plastic guns, everything. In fact, that was part of the charm of Cracker Jack was getting to that prize. The prizes of today are not even worth mentioning — usually a piece of paper — and is the equivalent of getting socks for Christmas.



1. AIR TRAVEL

Even before 911 air travel had lost its glamour. Gone are the days of warm towels, full meals and a cheery attendant that is only a button push away. Air travel is now no frills, sit down, shut up and keep quiet.

July 25, 2016
The future

“Okay — how did — ?”

And then Debbie pointed.

After twenty-two years of marriage, I always look when Debbie points. Always. This has served as a solid rule-of-thumb when anyone points but when Debbie does it she is often pointing to something I did, or didn’t do. Or something that the kids did or didn’t do or worse yet, something that they did that I suggested that they do — which as soon as she points out to me I realize was a pretty dumb idea. Why do they listen to me? But sometimes, Debbie just points at something that she wants me to see.

I didn’t know which one this was. So Debbie pointed and I looked.

The broken fireplace screen was where my eye went to first. But since I had developed a process where the fireplace still worked — if you separated the first screen, got the fire going, then leaned the glass into the frame, it could still be used — so this project had been given a lower priority on the household punch list. Anytime a device or a system still operates by simply adding another step or two, it is automatically reduced to C status.

“Yeah, I —“.

“How did —? How did this happen?”

So it wasn’t the fireplace screen. My attention moved over to the television.

The TV offer that was playing was advertising a new mattress where no payment was due until — and then the fireworks and the spinning graphic occurred — until 2015. But since our mattress was fairly new — it had only been three years since the insurance replaced everything when I burned our house down — I’d guessed it wasn’t the mattress she was pointing at.

“What?”

“2015?” she asked. “How did —-? 2015?”

Well, yeah. It was the end of October, 2014 which meant that 2015 was only a few —-. But she did have a —. She did have a very good point.

If Debbie and I were married in 1992 and since we are both now are in our thirties — aren’t we still in our thirties? — and the kids are still small — wait, are they still small? — and I still have a 30 inch waistline then the date could only be somewhere in the —.

“2015?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, how did that happen?”

“I don’t —. I don’t know.”

A chill ran through the living room. I would have built a fire but the screen was broken.

How is this possible that it will soon be 2015?

2014 is one thing. Yeah, it’s a big number. Much bigger than 1985 or 1993, but 2015 is —. 2015 is the date when Marty McFly goes ahead in time in Back to the Future II; October 21, 2015. 2015 is futuristic.

A place where we can talk to people and see their faces on phones and watches and iPods and laptops just like George Jetson did — a cartoon character from the future.

So in a few months we will be in — the future.

So welcome everyone. We are almost there. The future. A place where Loverboy and REM are played in elevators and we can see Satellite Street photos of Zambia right on our phones. The future. Where The Shining is seen as quaint and we laugh at the special effects of the first Star Wars.

The future.

So what does this mean? What happens in the future?

Well, we know one thing. In the movies it’s the guy from the past that is always the hero in the future. It’s the one who comes from the 1980’s or 70’s or before in a time travelling Delorean, or steps into a time portal. It’s the one who can break the rules and see things differently. The character who thinks and acts by his own rules. Bravely. Creatively — which is so different from those people of the future and that’s the reason he wins.

So we are in the future. Yes, this is true.

But we are all from the past. Where the hero comes from. And we can only win if we keep what we have from the past and use it. If we stand out. If we remember.

July 25, 2016
How to say grace over a meal

There are many words in the English language that have changed meaning over time. For example, the word artificial originally meant artistic or crafty. The word decimate meant to reduce by one tenth and in the original Latin the word nice, meant ignorant or unaware.

Just since the 19th century the words for dinner and supper have changed, when dinner referred to the large meal of the day — often in the early afternoon — and supper meant the smaller meal later at night — often after 7:00 pm. Now, both dinner and supper are interchangeable and refer to the evening meal.

In the modern world, many other words have changed meanings. Spam, a processed and canned meat, now refers to the mountains of junk e-mails we receive daily. A cursor was the word for a running messenger and now means the movable indicator on a computer screen. The the word friend once applied only to those people we have a close personal bond and connection with, but now refers to anyone on our Facebook or Twitter page.

But in my opinion, one of the most interesting word changes involves the word offensive or the phrase to offend. These words have long been in existence — for hundreds of years — but only in the last decade the meaning become altered and is now even confusing.

During the Vietnam War, American television announcers warned viewers when upcoming footage from the war, would be offensive; when it would contain graphic images of war and violence. And we knew what the word offensive meant then — even without seeing it, we knew.

At that same time, domestically, we were a country divided by race and hate and fear. A man with dark skin now had the right to fight and die as a soldier along with his white counterparts — a first in US History — but he could not attend the same church or use the same public restroom.

To say these events were offensive would be a great understated truth.

Then, in 1968, Brown vs. The Board Education, would allow black and white students to actually sit in the same classroom together. And there was more violence. And more fear.

Slowly — over the decades — the race walls began to crumble. Slower yet, the hate and fear began to fade.

Then came the events of September 11, 2001; a world altering event where a radical group of Muslim extremists plotted attacks that took thousands of American lives.

And everything changed.

Religion now became the new race. We were frightened and angry and confused and were told that a world split by religion could only be mended by understanding and tolerance. And fueled by a desire for healing, we embraced this word; tolerance. And there were more words that were added to our lexicon. And the more words mixed in, the more vague and confusing it all became.

Instead of kindness we were asked to be objective. Instead of understanding we were encouraged to be respectful. Instead of being neighborly we were told to be civil. And above all things, the ultimate focus was to never say or do anything that might be ever be perceived as — offensive.

And because we never truly understood the new meaning of this word — offensive — we did not understand what it truly was to offend. So, we simply took the easier path and avoided any and all areas that even might offend. And that meant anything religious or spiritual.

And the new segregation began.

Which bring us to this. To the ultimate irony and the ultimate truth.

I believe in God. I believe in a God that created me and watches over me and who is with me on earth will be with me in Heaven. There is no need for me to apologize for this because there is nothing offensive about it.

As men, we need to work less on being tolerant and more on being generous.

We need to be less objective and be more helpful.

And we need to be less unbiased and be more forgiving.

And above all things, we need to be grateful. Grateful to our God. Grateful to our family, our neighbors and grateful to all that is on loan to us for the short time we live in this world.

And during that Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter or that visit to someone else’s home, if we are extended the honor to say grace over the meal, we should embrace it.

If you’ve never publicly said grace over a meal, the rules are simple.

We are thanking God for the meal. We are thanking Him for the chance to be at that table with family and friends. We are grateful to live in a place where food is plentiful and we can live and work without fear or danger. We will work hard to show love and kindness to all we come in contact with.

And we are grateful.

July 24, 2016